Momswapped
by flamewarp
Summary: What if instead of Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl beign the ones to join/survive Rose's rebellion, it was Lapis, Jasper and Peridot? This. This would happen. Maybe. idea from theinsanityofamanatee on tumblr. New episodes every time i finish a chapter
1. Gem Glow

" **NOOOOOOO!"**

Inside a small building labeled 'The big doughnut' by a large sign on the front, a small child in a star shirt had his head resting against a freezer with a stylized cat face on top.

"This can't be happening! This has to be a dream!" The child turned around, clutching his head either out of desperation or the cold. "Lars, Lars! Please tell me I'm dreaming!"

He ran up to a tall teenager holding a box of supplies, clutching the top of his lanky legs. "Get off me, man, I'm stocking here!" Lars said, shaking the child off his legs and onto the floor.

"I'm sorry, Steven," a woman in a doughnut shirt behind the counter said. "I guess they stopped making them."

" _Stopped making them!?_ " Steven said, aghast. "Why in the world would they stop making Cookie Cats?"

"They're only the most scrumptious and delicious ice cream sandwich ever made!" Steven got on his knees. "DON'T THEY HAVE _LAWS_ FOR THIS!?" He yelled dramatically.

Lars sighed and bent down to replace some Styrofoam cuts. "Tough bits, man. I guess they couldn't compete with Lion Lickers." He turned toward a bigger freezer on the other side of the shop, which bared the name 'Lion Lickers' below the titular lion.

Steven groaned and walked towards the freezers. "Not Lion Lickers. Nobody _likes_ them. They don't even look like lions!"

He put his arms on his hips, exasperated. "Kids these days, I'll tell you what."

Lars rose up from where the cups were held, looking smug. "Well, if you like your wimpy ice cream so much, why don't you make some with your _maaagic belly button!_ " He said mockingly, walking back towards the counter. "That's not how it works, Lars!" Steven said. "Right?"

Steven lifted up his shirt slightly, revealing a pink gem where his belly button would be. He squished it slightly and sighed, walking back towards the original freezer. "Oh, sweet cookie cats. With your crunchy cookie outside." He started drawing a recreation of the cat face on the top with the frost resting on the freezer screen. "Your ic-y cream-y inside. You were too good for this world."

He rested his head on the freezer again forlornly. The woman behind the counter raised an eyebrow. "Uh, Steven..." Steven continued resting his head against the freezer, as Lars slid near the other employee, just as weirded out as her. "...Do you wanna take the freezer with you?"

Steven nodded.

* * *

Steven happily jogged toward a large statue, Cookie Cat freezer in tow with the plug tied around his shoulder. He hummed some sort of commercial jingle as he approached some stairs into a small house built into the base of the statue.

"Hey, guys, you won't believe th-" His thought was cut short by a large centipede creature with an eye in his mouth lunging toward him. This creature was quickly knocked away and pinned against the wall by a large woman with long white hair covered by a helmet made of some orange gemstone, and what appeared to be tiger stripes dotted across her orange skin. "You're back." She said, crunching the head of the monster against the wall, causing it to disappear in a puff of smoke.

Across the room, a green woman with triangular hair and what appeared to be robotic limbs was shooting balls of energy from her floating fingers at what appeared to be copies of the monster that attacked Steven. Two of the monsters disappeared upon hit, while another was launched back into a bubble of water, which crushed the monster and finished the job that the energy balls started. A blue woman in what appeared to be a dress walked up and inspected the bubble of floating water, as if trying to find something.

The three oddly colored women continued fighting the monsters, dwindling their numbers one by one.

"Awesome!" Steven yelled. "What are these things?"

The green one picked one of the monsters up by the tail. "Ugh, sorry Steven. We'll get these centipeedles out of your room." Her face scrunched up as she shocked the one she was holding, causing it to disappear like the rest. "We think they were trying to get into the temple.

Well, I think anyway. I don't think Jasper would have thought anything other than 'punch it'."

As if on cue, the orange one leaped near Steven, beating on another one of the numerous centipeedles. "Aw, you don't have to get rid of them. They're really cool!" Steven knelt down near the one Jasper was pummeling. The monster launched a glob of acid from it's mouth, which Steven sidestepped, and watched as it burnt a hole in the floor.

Jasper finally got rid of the centipeedle and scoffed. "Why don't any of these stupid things have gems!?" She growled. The blue one kept one of the monsters in another water bubble, holding it by the midsection. She walked toward the green one. "Maybe there's a mother one somewhere nearby, or something? You know, a template?" She moved the bubble closer to the green one, who shot it, causing it to dissipate like the rest.

"We should probably find it before it breaks everything." The green one said, annoyed. "Ooh, can I come!?" Steven said excitedly. "Can I!? Can I!?"

The blue one chuckled and knelt down near Steven. "Steven, until you can learn to control your gem, we'll take care of fighting the spooky stuff. Alright?" She winked and flashed a thumbs up at that last word. The last of the monsters lunged at her, before getting crushed by water in the shape of a mallet. It escaped, however, and peeked inside an open refrigerator.

"Hey!" Steven yelled running towards it, as it ransacked the inside. "Get out of there! Shoo, shoo!" He waved his arms, causing the centipeedle to escape. "Aw, man!" He said, inspecting the inside. "They got into everything."

The centipeedle ran towards the door, before being crushed by the foot of Jasper. "Not cool!" Steven complained, watching as Jasper finally poofed the last threat in the room. He looked back in the refrigerator, wanting to make sure that a light up bracelet he kept in there was okay, before noticing a plethora of pink packages with the same cat face as the freezer he was carrying. "No way. I-It can't be!"

He reached inside and took out one of the packages. "Where did you get these!?" Jasper approached Steven, arms crossed, looking quite happy with herself. "Peridot told us that they were going to stop making them. So, Lapis-" Jasper pointed towards the blue skinned one, who used her water bubble to hop on top of a counter before it rushed back out into the ocean outside. "-Suggested we go get the rest first. So, I went out and took a bunch."

Lapis and Peridot turned towards Jasper. "You WHAT!?" They said in unison.

Peridot walked up to Jasper angrily, floating one of her fingers near what would be her nose were it not occupied by an orange, triangular gem. " _Jasper_ , we want to make the humans _trust_ us. We're supposed to be protecting them, not stealing from them!"

"What are you talking about?" Jasper asked, confused. "I've been doing this for months and you haven't complained once." "Wait a second," Steven said, turning towards Jasper. "You've been stealing them? Are _you_ the reason they're going out of business!?"

Lapis raised her hand, trying to defuse the situation. "Now, Steven, It's not nice to point fingers. Even in the quantity we were...*ahem*, _obtaining_ them in, one person stealing them wouldn't be the sole reason they were going out of business. As for _you_ ," She said, turning towards Jasper. "Next time we ask you to go buy something, use the money we give you instead of stealing them. _Please_."

"There won't be a next time." Peridot said, returning her finger back with the others and folding her arms. "I'm sure by now every store in miles knows what her coming in means. Lapis, you're our errand gem now." Lapis shrugged, seeming content with the decision. "Anyway, point is," Lapis began. "That Steven is happy."

"OhhhhhHHHHHHHH-!" Jasper turned toward Lapis, who shrugged, just as confused as she was.

"He's a frozen treat with an all new taste!  
'cause he came to this planet from outer space!  
A refugee of an interstellar war!

But now he's at your local grocery store!  
COOKIE CAT!  
He's a pet for your tummy!  
COOKIE CAT!

He's super duper yummy!  
COOKIE CAT!  
He left his family behind!  
Cookie Caaaaaat!

Now available at-" "What in the world _was_ that!?" Peridot asked. "It's the cookie cat theme song." Steven said, seeming a bit disappointed. "Oh. Uh...it was, uh, great, Steven! Gooood job..." Peridot said awkwardly.

The gems stayed in silence for a bit, before Steven, without turning his head, placed the freezer on the counter next to him and ripped the top of the wrapper off. He took out the cat shaped ice cream sandwich from the inside. Steven turned towards the sandwich. "Hello, old friend," He said, almost nostalgically. He bit off one of the top two nubs, and tilted his head back contentedly. "I like to eat the ears fir-" "STEVEN, YOUR GEM!" Lapis yelled, startling Steven.

Steven looked down toward his gem, seeing the last of a fading pink light. "Aw, man." Steven said, disappointedly, letting his arms sag to his sides. "I was so close." He felt a large hand clap his shoulder, forcing the remaining food down his throat. He turned up to see Jasper standing over him. "It's okay, Meat child. Why, I remember when I was first created, I couldn't even figure out how to punch things right." Jasper closed her eyes, looking proud of herself. "And just look at me now!"

Peridot scoffed. "First, Jasper, he has a _name_ that isn't 'meat child' or 'Rose'. Second of all, I was there when you were first created. Your very first act after coming o-" Peridot paused and glanced at Steven. "Coming to be was to try to punch me through the wall on the other side of-" She made the noise of clearing her throat. "Anyway, despite that, Jasper's right. Learning to summon things takes time, time you haven't had yet."

"Well-can't one of you guys just explain how to summon a weapon?" Lapis and Peridot both looked toward Jasper, who still had her hand on Steven's shoulder. "What?" She asked. "You're the only one of us here-besides Steven, of course-who actually has to summon her weapon." Lapis said. She reached behind her back, trying to touch a blue gem in the shape of a teardrop. "Not to mention that it would be pretty awkward for either of us to do it, even if we could, what with my gem's location and Peri's visor."

Jasper sighed and moved her hand down to Steven's arm. "Very well then. Come with me, Rose." She dragged Steven with her towards the door. "Woooah!" Steven said, as he was yanked, dropping his relatively uneaten cookie cat to the floor. "Nooooooooooooo..." He said meekly, powerless against Jasper's practically ridiculous strength. "HIS NAME IS-" Peridot said, exasperated, before Jasper left the room. She sighed. "She has to be doing this on purpose..."

* * *

Steven sat cross-leged in front of Jasper, who towered above him with her arms crossed. "Now, uh, I'll admit this isn't something I'd usually talk about when the others are around." Jasper said, seeming embarassed. "But I...don't really know _how_ I summon my weapon."

She widened her stance a bit and unfolded her arms. "I just tend to take a deep breath..." She mimicked her words with her actions, and closed her eyes. "...Think about the thing I want to punch..." She opened her eyes and looked off towards the distance. Steven turned around to see what she was looking at, but there didn't seem to be anything. "...Think about how I'm going to punch it _SO HARD_!" Her expression got more serious, and her hands formed fists. "Aaannnnd...weapon!" As she said this, her helmet materialized on her head.

Steven sat there, looking dissatisfied. "Of course, in a real fight that would take a second or two, rather than 10. Now!" Jasper said, "You try."

Steven attempted to mimic Jasper's stance, as she stood off to the side. "Take a deep breath..." He said, closing his eyes. "Think about the thing I want to punch..." As he said this, his gem glowed slightly. "Yes!" Jasper said, quietly. "Perfect!" "Aaaandddd...WEAPON!" Steven said, thrusting his arm forward. The glow of his gem weakened. "WEAPON!" He once again thrusted his arm forward. He opened his eyes and looked down towards his gem, which went fully dark. He sighed and slumped. "Aw, man, I'll never get this to work." Jasper knelt in front of him. "Hey, Steven, It's okay. I didn't expect you to get it on your first try. Honestly, that went significantly better than I thought it would." She looked towards the setting sun and stood up. "But, for now, it's getting late. We need to get back to the temple."

* * *

"We're home." Steven said sadly as he opened the door to his house. Lapis was spread across the couch, watching some generic sitcom on a TV in front of her. She turned it off and sat upright, looking towards Steven. "So, how did it go?" She scooted to the right slightly, as Steven flopped down next to her. "It didn't work. No weapon." He said. Jasper walked behind them. "If you need me, just come find me in my room."

"Will do." Lapis said, tilting her head back to look at Jasper as best she could. She turned back towards Steven. "It's okay, we'll always have tomorrow." She leaned her head against Steven's shoulder. "And you'll always have us to support you." "Lapis, stop." Steven laughed, trying to push her away. "Oh, don't pretend you don't like it." She said, one eye open, teasing him. "Yeah, I guess you're right..." Steven said, leaning back on the arm of the couch.

Before long, Lapis was disturbed by some sort of light. She opened her eyes, and gasped. A bright pink light was shining from Steven's gem, and at the end of it, a big pink shield with a rose design on it. "Steven..." She whispered. Steven opened his eyes halfway. "What is it?" He asked, yawning. "Look!" Lapis said ecstatically. Steven opened his eyes all the way, and saw his weapon floating in front of his face. "I have a shield..." He whispered, stars in his eyes. "JASPER! PERIDOT!" Lapis yelled towards the temple door. Before long, the two other gems emerged. "What, what's wro-" Peridot began, before stopping upon seeing the shield. "Rose's shield!" She yelled, excited. Jasper walked towards Steven, laughing. "I knew you could do it, Meat ch-" She clapped him on the shoulder, the shock of which started the shield bouncing from the room.

A bunch of water rushed in from the ocean outside, and covered the TV in front of the couch in a barrier. Eventually, the shield embedded itself in a smaller, older TV upstairs, breaking it and making the shield poof away. The water rushed back to it's origin, as Peridot climbed the ladder to inspect the TV. "Hm. Broken beyond reasonable repair. We're gonna have to get a new one." "And if we don't do something, we're going to need a new temple!" Jasper yelled, looking out the back window. "Looks like the centipeedle mother finally came looking for her kids."

The gems ran out the door, Lapis trailing behind the others. "Wait, can't I come too!?" Steven said, tugging on her dress. "Not right now, Steven. This is too dangerous." She gently swatted his hand off. "See you in a few minutes!" She said cheerfully before running after the others.

Lapis arrived, seeing Jasper continually headbutting the mother with her helmet, while hanging from the mother's hair. Meanwhile, Peridot took cover behind a missing hand from the temple's statue. Lapis grabbed a good amount of water from the ocean, and slammed it into the front of the Centipeedle mother. She screeched and reared back, nearly knocking Jasper off her perch. "Be careful, Lapis!" She yelled back, annoyed. The mother turned her attention towards Lapis, and started spitting acid at her. Lapis managed to dodge it, but the mother tried to use it to lead her towards the hand Peridot was hiding behind. "No, don't come behind here you cl-" She attempted to say, but before she could finish Lapis was already curled up behind the hand, watching it get buffeted by the acid. She turned to the annoyed Peridot and smiled sheepishly. Not long after that, she saw Jasper land slightly to her right, still behind the hand. "How did-" Lapis began. "Bucked me off." Jasper said, in a tone that made it clear there would be no further conversation on the subject. "Now, why don't you grab some more of that water, and make us a barrier that _won't_ get melted by the acid?

"There's a reason I held the little ones form the middle and not the head. If they spurted in there, all we'd have is a barrier of acid protecting us from the acid. I'd hope you can see the issue there." Jasper sighed. "Fine." The gems stood there, all looking annoyed at each other, before the acid stopped and they heard something hit the sand.

* * *

"HEY!" Steven yelled at the mother Centipeedle. It turned it's attention from the increasingly melted hand to the new presence. It hissed, and launched a glob of acid at him. "Ha! Missed me!" He said mockingly. He turned towards the impact, only to see a broken and sparking cookie cat freezer. "You didn't miss the freezer, though..." He said dissapointedly. That didn't last long, however, as the Centipeedle mother wasn't particularly interested in giving him time to mourn. Steven ran around the Centipeedle, trying not to get blasted. "THE FREEZER, STEVEN!" Peridot yelled, getting up from behind the rock. "USE IT AS A WEAPON!" The centipeedle mother noticed one of her enemies poking her head out, and once again launched acid at the hand. Deciding that the small child running around was less of a threat than the gems, she focused back on breaking down their cover. Steven angrily grabbed the plug of the freezer. "Cookie cat..." He picked it up and ran towards the centipeedle. "HE'S THE PET FOR YOUR TUMMY!" He started swinging the freezer around like a flail, as the centipeedle mother turned to see what the loud noise was. "COOKIE CAT! HE'S SUPER DUPER YUMMY!"

"THAT IS THE WORST BATTLE CRY!" Jasper yelled from behind the rock. Lapis raised an eyebrow at her. "What? It is."

"COOKIE CAT! HE LEFT HIS FAMILY BEHIND!" Steven released the freezer and it sailed towards the centipeedle mother. "COOOOKIEEEE CAAAAAAAAT!" The freezer exploded, taking the mother with it. "Now available...nowhere."

The other gems slowly came out form behind the hand. Lapis picked up a small green sphere, and encased it in a pink bubble. She tapped the top, and the bubble disappeared from her hand. She knelt down near Steven, who was holding the few bits of casing that survived. "Good job Steven. We couldn't have done it without you." Steven looked up at her and smiled, before standing up and forlornly carrying the freezer parts back towards the house. Jasper walked near Lapis, looking confused. "He, uh...he does realize he didn't actually keep the ice cream in there, right?"


	2. Laser Light Cannon

***slam***

"Hey Fryman, gimme the bits!"

Mr. Fryman was finishing up closing his shop, Beach Citywalk Fries, before the sound of a young boy hitting a counter got his attention at the front. "Steven!" He said, surprised. "We're closed!" as he said this, he flipped over a sign, echoing his sentiment. "C'mon, gimme the bits!" Steven said again, hitting the counter. Meanwhile, a tall orange woman with what seemed to be stripes on her skin walked up next to Steven. "I don't understand," She began, "These 'bits' you keep fawning over don't even seem to be on the menu."

"Yeah, they're something he orders special. And, I'm sorry kid, but closed is closed."

"THE BITS! THE BITS! THE BITS!-" As he said this, he continued to hit the counter. He turned to Jasper. "Come on Jasper, come do it with me. The bits! The bits! The-" Jasper raised her hands, and said "THE-"

"Waitwaitwait!" Mr. Fryman put his hands under hers, admittedly more as a reflex than any sensible way to stop them. "This counter can handle Steven hitting it, but I think someone like you would probably break it by leaning. So, alright, I'll get you your bits. Just-don't hit the counter anymore. Please." Mr. Fryman sighed and walked towards the fryers. Steven was a nice kid, but he sure acted his age sometimes.

Shaking small leftover chunks of potato into a bag, Fryman turned back towards the front. "So, you'd be, uh, Jasper, right?" He put the fryer back and walked up to the counter. "Steven's told me all about the three of you."

Fryman put the bag on a scale and looked down at anumber on the display. "Let's see, that'll be, uh-" "Ow! Why did-woah." Fryman was interrupted by the sound of Steven yelping. Looking up, he saw both his customers looking away from the counter, while Steven rubbed his side. Fryman attempted to tilt his head to see past Jasper's bulky physique. "What, what's going on?"

Steven turned around with a worried expression on his face. He wordlessly grabbed the bag and slammed a $5 bill on the table before he and Jasper ran off towards the temple.

* * *

"What even is that thing?" Lapis paced around as Peridot watched through the telescope. "Red eye." Peridot responded, matter-of-factly. "Well, yes, obviously, but what _is_ it?" Peridot sighed and rose from the telescope. "No, it's actually called a red eye. Homeworld uses them as surveillance drooo-oh, Steven!" Peridot interrupted this train of thought upon seeing Steven and Jasper arrive. "What's that bag?"

"Bits." Steven said, opening the bag and grabbing a handful. "Want some?" Peridot pushed his hand back towards him. "No thanks.

This is a matter of the utmost importance. If _someone-_ " Peridot stressed this word and looked at Lapis and Jasper. "-Is sending these things to us, then we have something they want. Or at least they think we do." Steven raised his hand. "Yes?"

"Can I look at it?" Peridot glanced at the telescope and shifted away for it slightly, giving Steven room to see through it. "Yep. Sure is a big robot eyeball." He looked up from the telescope towards Peridot. "So, what's it for?"

"Well, uh...it...it's an eyeball. That probably sees things? But, I mean, It's going to crush us and everything within a..." Peridot gently moved Steven out of the way and looked back through the telescope. "...Probably about a 50 foot radius? We need to stop it, is my point." Steven put his hand to his chin. "Well, how are we going to do tha-" His thought was interrupted by the clanging of metal.

Steven looked up to see Jasper standing on top of a tower of water, continually punching the red eye. Peridot groaned. "THAT'S NOT GOING TO WORK, YOU CLOD! IT'S GOT ARMOR THICKER THAN TITANIUM, AND EVEN IF YOU _DID_ BREAK THROUGH IT, YOU'D PROBABLY JUST BLOW IT UP IN YOUR OWN FACE AND GET LOST SOMEWHERE UNDER THE OCEAN!" Jasper probably yelled something back, but she was too far away for anyone to understand it. Whatever it was, it probably wasn't a polite agreement though, considering the fact that she went right back to trying to punch it. Peridot sighed. "The way I see it, there's only one thing that could possibly punch through that thing. One of rose's light cannons."

"Wait," Steven said, turning towards Peridot. "You mean my mom? My mom had cannons?"

"Oh, Steven!" Peridot said wistfully. "I wish you could have seen them in their prime...why, I remember back during the reb-" Lapis groaned, interrupting Peridot's speech. "Look, Peri, can we skip the techgasm and get to the actual _location_ of the thing?"

"R-right. So, I, uh...don't really know where it is? But, if I had to guess-and I do, or we're all going to die, Greg would probably have it. And if he doesn't, then...well..." Peridot was once again interrupted by Jasper, this time her falling into the ocean after Lapis took away her water tower. She surfaced on the beach, looking tired. "Alright...fine...I can't punch it. Now, I need to go sit down for...a while." And with that, she skulked back towards the temple. Peridot made the sound of clearing her throat, catching the attention of the remaining two gems. "Alright, so, we all have jobs now. I'm going to see if I can't find some way to take control of it's propulsion system, that way we can redirect it somewhere unimportant. I suppose the moon can handle another crater. Steven, you go see Greg and try to get a light cannon. I can only assume Rose would have given him one at some point, only question is where it is." At this, Steven saluted and ran off to the direction of his dad's car wash. "And Lapis, you can...uh...go make sure Jasper doesn't ruin anything, I guess."

* * *

Steven banged on the back of a colorful van, which bared the words 'Mr. Universe' on the side. "Dad? C'mon, wake up! There's a big eyeball coming to crush us all! A really, _really_ big eyeball!" No response. "Ughhh." Steven slumped, and attempted to climb up to the top of the van. "Come. On. Wake. Up!" He said, stomping on the top of the van. "Uh, is there a reason you're trying to break the roof of my car?"

Steven turned around to see Greg standing there, towel slung over his shoulder. "Now, what was this about an eyeball?" Steven jumped down and hugged his father. "Yeah, sorry about that. Had to make a pit stop, if you catch my drift. Anyway, no, really, what do you mean 'eyeball'?" Steven pointed towards the red eye in the sky. "Oh. Woah. Yeah, that's a giant eyeball alright." Steven looked back at his father. "Yeah, that's what I said, too. Anyway, Peridot said that we needed a 'light cannon'? Do you have one of those?" Greg thought for a second. "Yyyeah, she gave me one of those. Darn if I can remember how to activate it, though."

"Well, do you know where it is?" Steven asked. "Wwweelll...not exactly, no, but if I had to guess, I put it in the mystical, magical realm where I put all of my important stuff."

* * *

"Welcome, Steven, to my storage unit." Greg lifted the door to it, revealing piles upon piles of random junk that might be important someday. "My cluttered, crazy storage unit. Now, Steven, when venturing into a storage unit like this, you have to know the rules. 1: try not to break anything. 2: try not to break yourself. 3: don't talk about storage unit club." Steven blinked, confused. "Okay, yeah, didn't think you'd get that. Let's just mosey on in and see if we can find us a giant, pink cannon, shall we?"

30 minutes later...

Steven sighed. "We've searched all over the place. How hard is it to find a giant, pink cannon!?" Greg tossed him a strap-on flashlight. "Hard enough for us to need to venture deeper into this mystical land of junk." He walked over to a stack of boxes, and pushed a hole big enough for Steven to fit through. "I probably can't make it big enough for me to fit through. I really need to get this stuff sorted out sometime soon." He bent down into an open box and picked up a case full of different harmonicas. "I don't even remember owning any harmonicas. Did I just throw them all in here?" Greg turned around to see Steven slipping through the gap in the cardboard.

Steven crawled through the almost mind-boggling maze of random stuff. "What even _is_ most of this stuff?" He yelled through the cardboard. "Yeah, I might have had a phase where I bought basically anything I could afford, no matter how pointless. I put most of it in the back, which would be okay if not for the fact that's apparently where i put the light cannon too. Whoops." Steven continued crawling, eventually getting to a point where he could stand up as he went through. "You have a keytar put next to a different, broken keytar, put next to another, even _more_ broken keytar." "Wait, really? I swear, half of this stuff just appears in here."

10 minutes later...

"I don't get it. I've looked at everything, through everything, and above everything. How can this be this hard to find!?" Greg sighed. "I dunno. Peridot's probably figured something out by now, right? After all, that big eyeball thing does seem to be moving slower." Steven forlornly started walking back towards the entrance. "Hey, remember man, we can't get everything right. If every porkchop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs." Steven looked at the back. "Yeah, I gue- _WHAT._ " in front of Steven was a pink, glowing wall.

"What, what is it?" Greg said, trying to peek through the cardboard gateway he made. "The wall is glowing." Steven said, confused. "And it's coming from...the bottom?" Steven knelt down, to see a small protrusion in the wall. "Is this a...button?" He pressed it in, and the wall in front of him slowly rose up to reveal a shining, giant, pink cannon with a note attached to the side. "To Greg. Use only in case of emergency. Don't forget the false wall. Heart." An audible smack came form the entrance of the storage unit. " _That's_ why I don't remember this stuff. Rose bought it just to populate this so that the light cannon would be harder for people that didn't know about it to find. And, of course, in the past 5 years I decided it was just a normal storage unit with normal stuff in it. Is there any way to get it out?"

Steven looked around, and noticed a rope with what seemed to be Rose's symbol drawn around the top. "Yeah. Go get the van."

* * *

"Well, I guess I have an excuse to sort that out now, huh?"

Before the two Universes was a pile of random junk, now removed from the storage unit. "Now, we need to find some way to drag that thing over to the beach. I don't think that rope Is gonna hold out that long." As if on cue, up rolled a wagon.

* * *

Peridot was fiddling with her screen, before she was knocked out of it by an awful screeching sound. "What in the-oh, you finally got the light cannon." Steven hopped out of the van and ran towards Peridot. "What did I miss?" "Well," Peridot began "I managed to gain thruster control, which is good, but whoever made this thing apparently didn't care about where it landed, because thy're not strong enough to counteract the force of entry. That's bad. But, it should be fine now, because we have a light cannon!" Peridot said almost uncharacteristically joyfully. "We just need to get it on the beach." Steven and Greg looked at each other, and then at Peridot. She stood in silence for a second, before showing her unattached fingers, and attempting to pick up the telescope to little avail. Steven turned towards the house and said "I'll go get Jasper."

"HHRRGH." Jasper finally dropped the light cannon onto the beach sand. "Really, Rose, you couldn't have made that any lighter?" She complained. "Whatever. Let's just fire this stupid thing." Awkward silence. "...None of you know how to fire it, do you?" Jasper asked.

"Oh, shoot, come on, come on," Greg said, snapping. "I think Rose said she made the password...something that only we could possibly guess." Steven lit up. "Wait, didn't it light up when you said the hot dog thing?" Greg looked confused for a moment, before suddenly realizing what he meant. "If every pork chop were perfect, we wouldn't have hot dogs!"

Behind them, the light cannon started to glow. "Yeahp, looks like that was it." suddenly, the cannon let loose a blinding beam of light, which slowly transformed into the image of a tall woman holding her hand out, which utterly destroyed the red eye upon contact, launching debris everywhere. Greg turned around. "I, uh...I need a moment. I'll be in the van."

Jasper groaned. "Yay, we did it. I'm going back inside." Peridot wordlessly followed suit. Steven walked towards the van, and glanced backwards toward the red eye's previous location, before climbing back in.


	3. Cheeseburger Backpack

Steven impatiently sat on a rock near a mailbox, hitting the front of the rock with his legs in some improvised tune. "I want my stuff, so deliver it please. I need my stuff to save my knees. I-" He stopped upon hearing footsteps from around the corner. "Yay for asking the universe!" He said, hopping off of his perch. Around the corner came a mailman, humming the tune Steven was making "Oh, Steven, you ruin me!" he said dramatically, holding a piece of paper up to his forehead.

"Is that for me!?" Steven said excitedly. "What? No. This is just the list of people I need to deliver to. Buuuuuuuuut..." The mailman went digging through his bag, pulling out a package with a yellow 'WS' on it. "This is! Unless there's some other 'Steven Universe' living here."

Steven shrugged and took the package. "Not that I know of." Jamie gave a thumbs up. "Great!" He took out some sort of tablet. "So that means you can sign this." Steven took a pen out of a holder on the side and signed his name, adding flourishes of course. Jamie took the tablet back, and said "Barb yells at me if I don't get signatures." "Peridot yells at me for lots of reasons." "That's reasonable." Awkward silence.

"Get it, because-" "Yeah, I get it."

After another bit of silence, Steven took his package up with him towards the door, and Jamie took a closer look at his...extravagant signature. "Hey, is this rose suppose to be a peri-aaand he's inside."

* * *

As Steven entered the house, he was blinded by a bright flash of light, and coming out of the tail end were Lapis, Peridot and Jasper. Standing on a crystalline pad of some sort, the three gems stood there, looking happy for themselves. "Oh, man, that was a _good_ one!" Jasper said, stretching. If gem bodies had bones, there would definitely be some audible cracking from them. Meanwhile, Lapis was in the back, holding a small blue statue close to her chest, almost like a baby if you didn't have to worry about crushing a baby's midsection. She was laughing in a way that would almost be giggling if it wasn't so unrestrained.

"Oh, get off it, Lapis." Jasper said, rolling her eyes. Lapis looked at Jasper, aghast. "Get off it? _Get off it!?_ " Lapis swung her arms behind her back, making an obviously conscious effort not to hit the statue on anything. "This is what I've been trying to do for _hundreds of years_! We finally find this thing, and you're telling me to _**get off it!?**_ " Jasper backed off a bit, clearly startled by Lapis' violent reaction.

"Woah, woah, woah!" Steven said from across the room, garnering the attention of all three gems. "What's going on here?" Lapis made a sound not unlike squeeing, and carefully placed the statue on a table near the pad. She ran towards the couch and jumped on, motioning Steven to sit next to her, which he gladly did after setting down his package. "Okay, so, there's this building called the lunar sea spire, right? It used to be a hub for gems on Earth, a meeting place for anyone willing to step foot in it. There was anything a gem could ever want, including some earth food, all in one place. But you want to know the best part?" Steven nodded, smiling wider than almost seemed physically possible. "It was curated by yours truly!" Lapis said, pointing to herself. "WHAAAAAAT!?" Steven said, stars in his eyes. Peridot walked up to the two on the couch. "Yeah, as much as I hate to admit it, she was right about pretty much all of that. Maybe overselling it a bit, but it's not like I can blame her for being proud of it."

"So, wait," Steven said. "What happened to it?" Lapis sighed. "After I...did something that my superiors weren't particularly fond of, they had one of their people take that Moon Goddess statue-" Lapis pointed at the stature on the table. "-away from the spire as punishment. Due to some stupid legal stuff that would frankly just confuse you-I know because it still kind of confuses me-I had to make the spire self-destruct after having that statue away from it's pedestal for exactly 1,000 years, on the dot. As luck would have it, that would be midnight today. So, we need to get that statue to the top of the spire before that happens, or I _miiiight_ sink into an endless pit of despair from which there's no escape. Figuratively. Probably. Oh, I wish you could have seen it in it's heyday. But, you know what. Seeing us get it the closest it's gonna be is enough." Lapis stood up and turned towards the other gems. "Steven's coming."

"WHAT!?" The other three gems shouted in unison, though admittedly Jasper and Peridot's emotions were rather opposite to Steven's. "Look, Lapis," Peridot started. "I get it, you want Steven to be able to see it, but that place is way too dangerous. It's falling apart-er, no offense." "Awww," Steven said, disappointed. He snapped and rose from his seat. "Wait, I can be useful!" He ran over to his package and tore it open, revealing an almost comically large novelty backpack in the shape of a cheeseburger. "Is...that a big cheeseburger?" Jasper asked. "No," Steven replied simply. "A big cheeseburger _backpack_! You know, for us to carry stuff in. Food-" Peridot shifted uncomfortably. "-Medical supplies-" Lapis looked at Jasper and Peridot, somewhat confused. "-And maybe even sleeping bags, if it comes to it!" "Uh, steven..." Jasper said, somewhat awkwardly. "And, of course, that moon goddess statue! It'll be a lot easier to do all the other stuff if you don't need to carry it!" Lapis perked up, and stood up to go grab the statue. She walked over to Steven and knelt down next to him. "Steven..." She said gently. "Are you ready to go save a sea spire?"

* * *

One packing montage later, the gang arrived at the Lunar Sea Spire. "Oh, look at this..." Lapis whined. "The marble's crumbling, it's covered in moss and barnacles...if we weren't about to fix it in an hour or so, I don't think I'd be able to look at this." "Oh, suck it up, Lapis." Jasper said, muscling her way past her. "Let's just get this over with."

"WAIT, NO!" Lapis ran after her, stopping her at a cliff face. "What is it now? Upset that we're not taking the bridge?" Lapis sighed. "No, this is the bridge. Or, well, _was_ , anyway. Look, I know that jump looks easy, but the magic that keeps that whirlpool going-" Lapis motioned under the cliff. "-Also makes a vortex that would suck anybody trying to jump in. Security measure, makes it harder to sneak in without anyone knowing." Jasper groaned. "Great. So, you built this place-or at least planned it out. How do you suggest we get in?" Lapis crouched down slightly, somewhat embarrased. "Well, uh...there isn't another entrance. But, if we can build another bridge, or maybe use a rope, then-" Lapis was interrupted by a makeshift grappling hook made out of sweaters flung by her face. "Okay, not a rope, but close enough."

This was immediately invalidated by the sweaters completely missing their target. "Well, it was a nice thought, anyway." Peridot made the sound of clearing her throat, causing the other gems to turn towards her. "If I may interject-and I hope I may considering the fact that you're basically talking about nothing-couldn't Lapis just use her hydrokinesis to _make_ a bridge with the water?"

beat.

* * *

one-in retrospect-obvious solution later, Steven hopped into the Lunar Sea Spire proper. The four continued walking on, while Lapis made a very conscious decision not to look at anything but what was absolutely necessary. "Are you okay, Lapis?" Steven asked, concerned. "Hm? Oh, yes, I'm fine. I'm only witnessing my life's work crumbling to shambles. Why wouldn't I be okay?" The two were jolted by a loud whacking noise a bit forward. They looked up to see Jasper standing over a broken statue. "JASPER!" Lapis yelled.

"I'm not sure if you've noticed, but I'm kind of upset about the state of this place, and you punching things to dust _isn't helping_." Jasper looked back at Lapis. "I didn't do it for fun. There's an infestation of Crystal Shrimp around here." Lapis visibly tensed up. "Y-you're messing with me, right? Trying to freak me out?" Jasper looked at Lapis in a way that can only be described as 'Bitch, are you serious?'. Lapis sighed. "It was a nice thought."

"If you two clods are done arguing, I'm up here actually figuring out what to do." Peridot called from further ahead. Lapis and Jasper begrudgingly followed, but not without shooting each other dirty looks. Up near Peridot, there was an almost ridiculous number of Crystal Shrimp. "I don't get it." Steven said. "What's so bad about these things?" He reached down to touch one, but his arm was stopped by the floating fingers of Peridot. "DON'T TOUCH THAT! I know those things seem harmless, but those shards are sharp enough to destroy a gem outright. What they'd do to a human, I don't even want to think about-even a half-gem human."

Steven put his hand on his chin. "Well...maybe they're hungry? I could toss them some of the food I packed!" Peridot laughed under her breath. "Steven, I'm pretty sure that those shrimp are only hungry for-" "Done!" "Good job, Steven!" Peridot opened her eyes to see the Crystal shrimp swarming around two sandwiches Steven had packed. "Wha-but I-did we really never try giving them Earth food?"

* * *

One questioning of the competence of her superiors later, Peridot-and by extension the rest of the Crystal Gems-came across a rushing stream of water coming from the middle of the spire. Lapis groaned. Jasper groaned at Lapis groaning. Peridot groaned at the both of them groaning. Steven was mostly neutral.

"Well, this one is fairly obvious, I should think." Peridot said. "Lap-" she was interrupted by Lapis placing her hand on her mouth. She pointed towards Steven, who was rummaging through his backpack, and then mimed the action of writing something with a pencil. At first Peridot seemed confused, before she parked a look of realization on her face. Lapis gave a thumbs up and walked back towards Steven. "So, Steven, what do you have for us this time?" "Weeeeeeeeeelll..." Steven popped out a yellow tube with a red handle at the end. "A RAFT!" He pulled the lever, and slammed the raft in the water.

Or, well, he would have, had it not been too big to fit. Steven slumped over. "Aw, man. 1 for 3." "Steven, even if that _did_ fit, what good would a raft do in _rushing_ water?" Peridot said, trying her very best not to sound mocking. Steven snapped his fingers. "Peridot, how strong are your fingers?" "...What?" "You could use your fingers as stakes to keep the raft from falling in! Then, we just walk across!" Peridot paused for a moment. "That...is actually a really good idea." Peridot sent her two thumbs (or what would be her thumbs if her fingers weren't all the same length) to go hold down the raft.

The gems all walked across, followed by Steven, who was feeling rather proud with himself. Were he paying more attention, he might have noticed a conspicuous wetness on the bottom of the raft that seemingly wasn't touching the water at all.

* * *

One full speed sprint towards the top later, Lapis made a sound almost too high for the other gems to hear. "Peridot, how much time do we have left?" Peridot brought her screen up and examined it for a second. "T- 15 seconds." "Steven, get that statue!" Steven started rummaging through the pack, making increasingly upset noises. "10 seconds." Peridot said, worriedly. "C'mon Steven, quit fooling around, bring out the statue." "I-I can't find it!" Steven said, sweating profusely.

"You _**WHAT!?**_ " Lapis said, the angriest any of the gems had ever heard her. " **KEEP. LOOKING."** she growled. "5 seconds" Peridot said. Steven perked up. "4." He struggled to bring it out, trying to get through the other various assorted junk he packed. "3." He managed to get it out. "2." He scrambled, trying to find it's spot, but it was yanked from his hands by Lapis. "1." She slammed the statue in it's place on the pedestal.

Nothing.

One singular second of absolute nothing that felt like a compressed eternity.

Suddenly, it all sprang to life. Countless chunks of marble rose from the ground, moss and barnacles slid off the walls and into the depths below, quickly followed by more Crystal Shrimp than it would be sensible to count. Lapis lifted Steven straight off his feet, her mood having basically done a 180. Peridot made that sound that can only be described as 'trying to tell the person to stop, but finding the actual words impossible to say over just making them stop', and grabbed Steven from her. "Just because we fixed it doesn't mean it won't be deadly to fall down into the ocean down there."

Lapis blushed. "Sorry, it's just that...

I think he passed."


	4. Together Breakfast

Jasper walked calmly towards a warp pad, holding some sort of black scroll under her arm. She hopped up onto the pad, and one blinding flash of light later, she arrived at the temple, seeing Steven sitting on a stool. She glanced around a bit, before turning back to Steven. "Hey, Steven." Steven passively raised an arm at her. "What've you been doing?" He asked. Jasper brought the black scroll out from under her arm and showed it to him still rolled up. "Getting this. It's a magical abomination from another dimension that can turn anyone who looks at it insane, if given enough exposure." Jasper turned her head towards some mishmash of food on the counter. "Speaking of which, what's _that_?"

Steven glanced at it, before picking it up. "It's a together breakfast!" Jasper raised an eyebrow. "...Uh, is that some human custom I don't know about?" Steven looked down at the floor for a second, before looking back at Jasper. "Do ones I make up on my own count?" Jasper shrugged. "Someone has to think up all those inane things. Anyway, while I would...love to eat that with you, I need to go dispose of this thing before it possesses something other than a scroll." She walked off the warp pad and toward a door outfitted with a diamond, the points of which were adorned with gems that seemed to pertain to the 4 members of the crystal gems. The orange one on the left shined, and a zigzagging pattern in the middle of the door appeared, before the door opened from it.

"Wait!" Steven yelled after Jasper, holding his hand out. Nevertheless, Jasper disappeared into the door, which closed, losing the bright orange pattern. Steven sighed, hopped back on his stool, and put the breakfast monstrosity back on the counter. Thankfully, he didn't have to wait much longer to propose it's consumption, as he heard Lapis humming some random song as she walked up the steps. "Lapis!" Steven exclaimed excitedly, running up to the door. "Hey, Steven!" Lapis cheerfully said back, climbing into the house. "How's it goin'?"

"Well," Steven began. "I made us breakfast, and then Jasper warped in with a scroll that she said was a 'magical abomination', and then she went to burn it. What about you?" "Well, I went to the arcade and beat a bunch of people at Fist Puncher." "Oh." Steven walked back and grabbed his plate of 'everything in the cupboard' and showed it to Lapis. "So, what do you think?" Lapis raised an eyebrow. "Is that popcorn?"

This train of thought/confusion was interrupted by a sound coming from the temple door. The green gem on the bottom of the diamond shined, and a light green line slid down the door from the top to the bottom, making small curves around the pink and green gems in the diamond. The door slid open, and Peridot walked out with a small green robot on her shoulder. "Let's see, so far no obvious bugs in the Robonoid AI...only question is whether they'll actually fix things right." Peridot took the robot off her shoulder and placed it on the ground. She typed something onto her screen, causing the small robot to shake, before awkwardly walking to and up the ladder to the upstairs. The Robonoid approached the still broken TV, before making some click noises and walking back to Peridot as awkwardly as it left.

Peridot sighed and typed some notes into her screen. "Robonoid MK. 1 seems to recognize target, but doesn't release fluid. For now, if we want them to release the fluid, we're going to have to blow them up. Ambulatory system also needs...polishing." Lapis coughed (or, well, made the noise anyway), causing Peridot to look around to see the other two gems, looking at her strangely. "Steven! Lapis! Uh, how long have you two been there?" "Longer than you have." Lapis said. Steven ran up to Peridot and knelt down near the Robonoid. "What are these things?" Peridot took away her screen and put her hands on her hips. "Those, Steven, are what I call 'Robonoids'. I had Jasper go and salvage some materials from the red eye, and as luck would have it, not only was the main OS intact, but so were the files. Whoever made it kept some blueprints on it, for reasons I'm not entirely sure of, so I based these things off of it. They're maintenance drones, basically, and they're filled with some compound that can create synthetic wiring, metal, all kinds of stuff. Seem to be a one-make thing for all of that planet. So, I figured having some around would be helpful. I already made a few of them, now I just need to get a working AI for what we need them to do."

Peridot picked the Robonoid back up. "Anyway, I need to go do some more work on-what. Is. That." Peridot's eyes were resting on the together breakfast. Steven turned to see what she was looking at. "Oh, right!" He ran over to the breakfast, and picked it up. "I made breakfast, and thought we could share it! It's a together breakfast!" Peridot awkwardly glanced at Lapis. "Have we not-I could _swear_ we told him about me and food." Lapis shrugged. "I don't think it's really come up yet." Steven looked confused. "I know gems don't need food, but Lapis and Jasper eat all the time. Why wouldn't you?"

Peridot looked at Lapis. " _I'm_ not telling him! It's your issue, why don't _you_ explain it to-WAIT STEVEN WHERE ARE YOU GOING!?" Steven ran into the still open door into Peridot's room. "I'm gonna go find Jasper!" Before either Peridot or Lapis could chase after him, the door closed. Lapis looked at Peridot, confused, but Peridot just shrugged. Meanwhile, Steven looked around the room. It seemed oddly high-tech compared to the outside of the temple, and there was what appeared to be a big picture of some tall yellow lady with a pink X over it on the right wall, which had faint remains of at least 5 other Xs in slightly different positions. "I didn't think Peridot's room would be so...creepy." Steven said, rather offput. "Steven!" He heard from the other side of the room. He turned around to see Peridot, with Lapis and a beach in the background. "You...you saw the picture, didn't you?" she said quietly. Steven nodded. "Look, I'll explain later, but for now try to find a panel with a bunch of buttons on it, alright?" Steven looked around, until finding a panel with three buttons on it. One was Lapis' gem, one was Jasper's, and the last one seemed to be Steven's head.

"Yeah, there they are." Peridot said over the communication. "Just hit the one that looks like Lapis' gem." Steven hit Lapis' button, and before he knew it, he fell into some sort of pneumatic tunnel system.

* * *

Peridot closed her screen. "There. He should be coming, unless he thought it was a good idea to go into Jasper's room and ignore us." Out in the water, a hole emerged. "Which he evidently didn't." Steven was launched out of the hole in the water, while he held the top of the waffles in an attempt to keep his together breakfast from being ruined. After landing on his butt, he looked around. "Is your room a _beach_ , Lapis?" Lapis shrugged. "Kinda. A fake beach, anyway." Steven placed the together breakfast on the ground before standing up. "So...what do you do in here?" Again, Lapis shrugged. "Chill, mostly. Until I get bored or someone contacts me, then I just walk in-" She was interrupted by a faint picture of Jasper pinned against a wall showing up above the water.

"Okay, I hope at least one of you is in their rooms to see this. So, I got that stupid scroll you wanted me to get, Peridot. It's apparently still able to hit things in smoke form. It's probably about to kill me. Help." The three gems stood there, slack-jawed and motionless for a second, though Steven picked up the together breakfast. That didn't last long, as Lapis ran over and opened a hole in the water, before pushing in both Steven and Peridot.

* * *

Lapis and Peridot landed first, Lapis with a large glob of water in hand, and Peridot with her hand in it's gun formation.

Jasper sighed a breath of relief, though this was offset by a big bunch of smoke pummeling her. "Okay, good. NOW KILL THIS THING!" Steven landed next to Peridot, and the together breakfast landed next to him. The plate shattered, leaving the food on the ground. "Noooooo..." Steven said weakly. The plus side of the situation was that the smoke stopped hitting Jasper. The downside was that it did so because it had just found a new form. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME!?" Jasper yelled, as the breakfast warped into some strange giant food monster. "SPREAD OUT!" Lapis yelled. The gems did as they were told, and Jasper tried to punch it, almost getting her arm stuck in some unholy concoction of syrup and whipped cream it was using as a shield. "DOESN'T THIS THING HAVE A WEAKNESS!?" She yelled.

"Well, it doesn't like synthetic materials, and it can be killed by fire. But you can't headbutt it for obvious reasons, Lapis can't hurt it, because then we'd just be adding water to the syrup and whipped cream...and I could probably hurt it with my gun, but the rate of fire is so slow, that there's almost no chance of it doing much of anything. So, we somehow need a large quantity of synthetic material that we could easily use against it, and then lead it into the fire.

Steven perked up. "What did you say the Robonoids were filled with?" Peridot thought for a second, before bringing her screen up. "Steven, you're a genius!" After a few seconds, about 15 Robonoids dropped in from the same location that Lapis, Peridot and Steven did earlier. "I've told them not to move, just lead the monster between them and the fire, and I'll blow all the Robonoids up in it's face! Or whatever you'd call it!"

Steven ran to the wall behind the Robonoids, and picked one up. "Hey, magical abomination! Look at this robot! It's reeeeeeeally synthetic!" Surprisingly, that seemed to get it's attention. It stomped over towards the gang of Robonoids. Peridot poised her finger above a self-destruct button. "Boom."

The Robonoids exploded in a flood of fixing fluid, causing the breakfast monster to stumble back into a pool of lava into the middle of the room. After much struggling and loud roaring sounds, all that was left was ash in the bottom of the pool. The crystal gems all gathered around, staring into the pool, ready for it to resurface any moment. And it didn't. They all breathed sighs of relief and sunk onto the ground. "So, wait." Steven said. "I still have one question." He turned to Peridot. "Why didn't you want to eat that again?"


	5. Frybo

Peridot ran through the house, looking at her screen and holding a bubble filled with 7 small shards of crystal, held from all sides by another 4 fingers. "Come on, I _know_ there was 8...' She turned around to see Steven pantsless, looking in a pile of clothes. "Uhhh..." Steven turned around towards Peridot. Peridot closed her screen, and put her hand up. "You know, what, I don't want to know. Have you seen a gem shard anywhere? It's _very_ important." Steven shrugged. "Nope. Have you seen my pants? They're also very important." Peridot tensed up. "Ooooh, boy. That's not good."

"What's wrong?" Steven asked, confused at Peridot's worrying. "Okay, these things are basically artificial gems, right? Well, that's not quite correct. They're basically an artificial consciousness, but more to the level of a...dog, say, than a full gem. They were created as a way of putting soldiers on the battlefield without endangering any gem lives, and they're able to possess any kind of garments. Cloth, metal, anything. The issue was that they took things...rather literally. And had some issues with overriding orders. They were told to fight, and...fight they did. Everything. Lapis managed to secure some, but one of them managed to escape, and if I had to guess, it's possessed your-you haven't been paying attention to a word I said, have you?" Steven was staring off into space, looking slightly wall-eyed. "Steven." Peridot said sternly. "Wha!?" Steven was startled, snapping him out of his stupor. "Have you been paying any attention to what I said?"

Steven opened his mouth, as if to say something, before closing it again. "No." Peridot sighed, bringing her fingers up to her face in what would be a facepalm had she applied any force. "Look, if you see any of these-" she brought the bubble near steven's face. "-let me know." Steven snapped at this. "Yeah, I saw one of those, last night! I put it in my pocket, right before I went to sleep." Peridot groaned. "Great. That means they could be ANYWHERE. Alright, you look for them here. I'm going to go out into town, and see if I can find them myself. If you see them, _don't_ try to catch them. Just say 'stop', and rip the shard out of the pocket, literally if the need arises." Steven saluted, and ran off. Peridot exited Steven's room and made her way for beach city proper, her last hint of Steven's search being a faint "That's unusual!"

* * *

Peridot opened her screen as she patrolled beach city. She opened up a folder called "Robonoid_ ".

"Robonoid MK. IIs (or 'spark Robonoids', as I've taken to calling them) seem to be able to shoot their liquid, unlike the MK. Is. Despite that, I seem to have messed up some measurements or something in the fluid, as it hardens immediately instead of imitating the blueprints I give it. Nevertheless, no further obvious complications, save for the ambulatory system still needing work." Peridot slid her screen to a section labeled 'Spark Robonoid view', seeing a shaky view of the house, as the Robonoid patrolled, looking for the gem shard. Peridot sighed. She closed her screen, and looked around.

"NRH!" Peridot recoiled at the sight of a small child in a mascot suit of what appeared to be a living bucket of french fries. "Hi." The child said, rather contemptuously. "Come on Frybo, say the catch phrase!" Mr. Fryman called, from a restaurant a few feet away. Peedee sighed. "Come to Beach Citywalk Fries. We won't leave you feeling salty!" He said, as deliberately insincere as possible. Peridot glanced around. "I'm just going to be not here right now." She slipped away, walking up to the counter of the restaurant. "Hey! I suppose you'd be Peridot?" Mr. Fryman said, as Peridot approached. "What do you think of our new mascot?"

Peridot glanced back at the clearly disgruntled Peedee. "Terrifying." "Ah, you don't even eat food, you don't understand it." Mr. Fryman said dismissively. Peridot sighed. "Look, I'd rather not argue about the mental scarring that your mascot will or won't cause. Have you seen a walking pair of pants?" Mr. Fryman raised an eyebrow, surprised at the question. "Like, a costume, or...?" "No, just a pair of pants, moving on their own. You may or may not see something like this-" Peridot floated the bubble containing the gem shards near the counter. "-sticking out of the pocket."

Mr. Fryman shook his head, no less confused than he was before Peridot clarified. Peridot sighed. "If you'd seen it, you'd know what I was talking about." She stormed off, not interested in dealing with the man's enamoration with his new mascot.

* * *

About 30 minutes later:

Peridot Groaned as she walked back near the fry store. "I've looked friggin' everywhere, and nobody has any clue what I'm talking about. I don't know, maybe Steven's found it by now." The beginning of this thought being confirmed was a distinctly Steven-y yell coming from the store. "Steven!" Peridot ran towards the yell. She turned a corner to see Steven and the child that was in the fry costume buried under Mr. Fryman. Steven's broken ribs-while a problem-were however perhaps not the biggest one, consdiering that looming above him, with a bunch of fries in hand, was a strangely bigger version of the costume from before, though it seemed to have legs made of fries, as well as-"OH MY EARTH DEITIES, ARE THOSE VEINS!?"

Peridot's yelling got the attention of the rogue mascot, who decided that she was probably better to stuff fries into. "Ooooh no." Peridot said, changing the hand not holding the shard bubble into a gun. "I am _not_ letting you stuff me full of waste." She launched a blast of electricity at the monster, causing it to recoil and fall back into the store. It also made a massive hole, which launched some strange blood-like combination of mustard and ketchup. "HA! VISO-oh crap." Peridot began to taunt before she felt a tentacle-like deep fried potato wrap around her arms, and two others grasping her fingers together into a bundle. "Don't you da-mmph!" She attempted to protest before getting her mouth stuffed with french fries. "OH NO, THEY'RE DELICIOUS!" She yelled, tears beginning to well in her eyes. She felt her bubble pop, and heard a clattering. "Was that the shards? It better not have been the shards. Don't let it get to the shards, or it's going to get even stronger, and I'd _really_ rather that not happen."

She heard some sort of impact, and what sounded like some liquid or another hitting the ground. "Your move, Frybo. ATTACK!" Peridot was tossed aside behind some piece of cover or another-hard to tell when you can't see. And though she wanted to fix that, unfortunately Frybo decided to keep her fingers in his grasp. probably so that he didn't get blasted again. After a minute or two of more impact sounds, Peridot suddenly felt her fingers return to her arms. She finally wiped off the condiments, and in front of Peridot was Steven, only in his underwear "I-" Steven began to say, but Peridot put her hand up. "Still don't want to know. What do you need?" "Well, they-" Steven pointed towards a small army of clothes fighting frybo. "-are doing okay, but he won't actually stop for me to rip the shard out. I figured you might have a solution, so I had them attack him until he let go of your fingers. So, got anything?"

Peridot put her hand to her chin, and then turned it into her screen. "Yeah, I have an idea." She switched over to the Robonoid view, and pressed a 'call to source' button. After another minute or two of fighting, a small blue robot stumbled over to Peridot. "Oh, hey, it's one of those little Robonoid things. What do we need them for?" Steven asked, looking back up to Peridot. "Observe." Peridot said.

The little robot waddled over toward the potato monster, before spraying a light blue fluid around it's legs. Almost instantaneously, the fluid hardened, rooting the fried freak in place. "Stop!" Steven yelled, causing the rest of the shard controlled clothes to immediately cease movement. Steven ran over and yanked a small shard of crystal out of the costume, before doing the same with the rest of the possessed clothing. "Er..." Steven said. "What?" Steven held the gem shards near Peridot, who backed away slightly. "Could you hold these while I put my clothes ?" Peridot stepped back cautiously and stammered a bit. "That's...not a good idea, Steven."

Steven was curious, but nevertheless handed them to Peedee instead, who made a very conscious effort to keep them away from his clothes.

* * *

Steven walked into the house, as Peridot tinkered with her Robonoid. "So, how was the funeral for the creepy mascot?" Steven shrugged. "Funeral-y." Peridot nodded. "So...why couldn't you hold the shards?" Peridot sighed. "I...I'll tell you tomorrow. For now, you should probably sleep." Steven started walking up the ladder, and glanced back at Peridot halfway up. After she was sure he wasn't paying attention, she walked over to the temple door and entered her room.


	6. Cat Fingers

"Almost done! Steven, get the hubcaps." Greg aimed a hose at the side of a white van with a cartoonish face of a balding man resting on top. The car was plastered with the words 're-elect mayor Dewey' on every side, save for the front, which seemed to believe the word 're-elect' would suffice (which it might well, considering the head on the top). "Hubbing it up!" Steven said excitedly from the other side of the car, scrubbing away at the hubcap of the back wheel. "Hub it good." Greg said in a wise voice, raising one finger. "This is a high-profile job." Steven rose form the hubcap, evidently believing he had done a satisfactory job. "'Cause it's the mayor's election mobile?" Greg shrugged. "Well, yeah, I thought that went without saying." Steven grabbed a hose and attempted to wash down the head, but the water expertly arced over it and splashed onto his father.

Greg laughed before aiming his hose at Steven, who, admittedly, didn't start it on purpose, but he was perfectly happy to continue the duel of hoses. They were interrupted by an angry voice coming from behind. "Hey, _hey, hey!"_ an agitated mayor Dewey said, walking up to the two Universes. "I'm not paying for father/son bonding here!" Greg dropped his hose. "W-well, you, uh, don't need to pay for it! It's on the house!" He stammered. The mayor contemplated this offer. "On the house, eh? I like the way you do business, Mr. Universe." The mayor smugly entered his vehicle, before driving off, the head constantly blaring "MAY-OR DEW-EY! MAY-OR DEW-EY!"

Greg buried his head in his hands and sighed, while Steven attempted to console him. "Aw, man..." A female voice rang out form behind them. Steven turned around to see what appeared to be a blue dog standing in a small puddle. "I feel kinda bad now. I just thought it would be funny to do...this!" As if one cue, water burst out of the hose onto Steven, knocking him into a tall, blue woman where the dog used to be. Lapis laughed at Steven's blundering, but gladly catched him as he was about to fall down. "Lapis!" Steven said in surprise, raising his head up towards hers.

Lapis pushed Steven back onto his feet. "Really, though, I do feel kinda bad." Greg shrugged. "It's fine. It wasn't gonna cost him any more than anyone else." Steven held up his hands. "Okay, I feel like we're avoiding the obvious question here which is HOW DID YOU DO THAT!?" Lapis and Greg looked at each other. Greg rubbed the back of his head. "Did you not tell him about the whole 'shapeshifting' thing yet?" Lapis shrugged. "I know I didn't, but I thought Jasper did. I'm pretty sure I told her to-or was that Peridot that told her to?" Steven placed a hand on Lapis' mouth. "Err wrrs rrlrrdrr dr-" "Shhhhhhhh..." Steven interrupted. He opened his eyes, which now had stars in them. "How do I do it?"

* * *

Lapis and Steven arrived in the temple, Lapis with one hand behind her back and one with her index finger pointed upwards. "Now, Steven, shapeshifting isn't something to be taken lightly. While using it to do dumb things like I did is possible, it's...not a particularly good idea, most of the time. Changing shape is rather strenuous on a gem, and if you're not careful, it can put you out of commission for...a pretty good amount of time, and if you're _really_ not careful, it can get _really_ out of hand. So!" Lapis clapped, emphasizing the last word. "We should start nice and simple. Maybe...changing a hand!" "Into a cat!?" Steven said, with stars in his eyes once again. Caught off guard, Lapis shifted back slightly. "Uhhh...sssure. But maybe a full cat is a bad idea. Maybe just a head? Or something?" Steven nodded seriously. "How do I do it?"

"Well!" Lapis said, shifting back upright. "Envision the form you want in your mind, down to the closest detail. Now...just...think of that as you. Aaaaand..." Lapis' body slowly melted away, until all the remained was a bright blue gemstone and a blob of light. After a second, the light reformed back into the form Lapis used at the car wash. "You're a different thing now! It's hard to explain, you're better off trying yourself." Lapis changed back to her normal form. "And, remember, you need to go back to your default form before long, or else things get...weird." Lapis stood off to the side a bit, motioning for Steven to take her place. "Think of what I want to be..." Steven placed his hands on his head. He was interrupted by the sound of the sink running. He turned back to see Lapis holding some sink water.

"Sorry." She said, smiling awkwardly and turning the sink off. "I wanted somewhere to sit." She took her bubble and stretched it out in the vague shape of a pool chair, before hopping on top and laying down. "Continue." Steven sighed, and started over. He breathed in and out, clearly trying to make the changes happen, to no avail. "Uh, Steven, if you can't do it, you might wanna try something easier." "No, I...I think I have it." Lapis shrugged. "Aallltrighty then." Steven opened his eyes and laughed. "I think I did it!" Lapis raised an eyebrow, and Steven looked at his seemingly unchanged fist solemnly. "Hey, man, you tried, right?" She was interrupted by a small 'meow', seemingly coming from Steven's hand. He spread his hand out, to see a white cat head on the end of his index finger.

"Awesome!" Lapis said, hopping off her resting place. "I mean, it's not exactly what you wanted to do, but it's something!" Steven held the finger at it's base, though he stopped when the finger made noises of distress. "Oookay, that's kinda weird, but it's fine, right?" Lapis said, shrugging at the end. "I wanna show to my dad!" Steven said happily, looking up at Lapis. "Oh! Uh...alright! Just, uh, try not to give him a heart attack or anything. Please." Steven waved his hand dismissively. "Psh. I'm sure it'll be fine!" Steven ran off, laughing, as Lapis stared back in return. "Oh, this was a baaaaad idea..."

* * *

Steven walked up to Greg, hands behind his back, attempting to seem innocent. "Hey, Steven!" Greg said, turning around from a car he was washing. "What do you have behind your back?" "Hm?" Steven said, surprised his dad even noticed. "Oh, nothing...except _THIS_!" He presented his polymorphed finger to his father, who was taken aback and dropped his hose. "Oh, I uh...see that shapeshifting lesson with Lapis...succeeded? I guess is what you'd call that?" He said the last sentence quietly, and slightly mumbled. Steven nodded. "Yeah! Kinda. I mean, I wanted more than just my finger to be a cat, but...eh!" "Yeah, yeah, that's fine, that's...great, uh you...can change that back, right?"

Steven looked at his finger. "Uh...probably?" He focused on his finger, attempting to change it back. After a few seconds, an obvious change started to happen, and...a second cat appeared on his middle finger. "Gah!" The two universes said in unison, recoiling. "I didn't mean to do that!" Steven said, worriedly. "W-well, I'm sure it's fine, right?" Greg said awkwardly. "If it all just messes it up, you can go have Lapis fix it, right?" "Right!" Steven said optimistically. His stomach growled, and his cat fingers started meowing in response. "But I need food first. See ya dad!" Steven waved back at his father as he ran off towards the big donut. "Hoo boy..." Greg said, turning back to his car.

* * *

Steven entered the restaurant, making a point of keeping his hands in his pocket. "Heeey, Sadie, Lars!" Steven said, taking his left hand out and made it into the shape of a gun, trying to act cool. "Hey, Steven." Sadie said, eyebrow raised. "Is there a reason you're keeping your hand in your pocket?" Steven's eyes widened, and he looked around awkwardly. "No, I just...felt like it. Wanted to." Sadie shrugged. "Okay then. So, what'll it be?" Steven looked at the cabinets behind Sadie, who turned out of the way. "Hmmm..." Steven mused, scanning the cabinets. "Ooh! That one!" Without thinking, Steven brought his right hand out. Sadie recoiled at the freakish hand, which had suddenly grown all 5 fingers into cats. "Ooooooh, that's...a...thing!" Sadie said awkwardly. "That's...kinda cute, actually." She approached the hand and started rubbing the top of his index finger. The other fingers protested at the one getting all the attention, though the index finger purred and lowered it's ears. "Are you...making them do that?"

Steven shrugged. "I don't really have a huge amount of control from about here..." Steven placed one non-cat finger at a point where the skin color and the white of the cat seemed to merge "...up. It kinda makes it hard to stuff." Sadie pulled away from the finger and turned towards the back, while the finger complained loudly at her stopping. She pulled out a strawberry donut, and handed it do Steven. "Here, you can pay when you have opposable thumbs." The cat fingers started munching away at the donut, which Steven pulled away. "No, bad cat fingers! Donuts are for Steven!" Steven said poutily. Sadie chuckled, closing her eyes, before her eyes rested upon something rather disturbing. "STEVEN!" She said, pointing at his other hand. He turned towards it, seeing the rest of his fingers transforming like his right hand. "Uhhhhhhh I NEED TO GO SEE YA!" Steven ran out the door, leaving his 1/10 eaten donut on the counter. "You still need to pay for that later." Sadie sighed, tossing it in the trash.

* * *

Steven ran up to the temple, spreading his fingers so as not to suffocate the cats. "Lapis! Peridot! Jasper!" he saw the three gems on a small boat, with Lapis at the back attempting to summon a wave to get the boat moving faster. "Hey, Steven!" Lapis said. "We're gonna go fight a living island!" "Sweet!" Steven said, running up to the dock. Lapis dropped her wave, slightly splashing Steven and his fingers, which recoiled and hissed, and also seemed to shrink slightly. "Ow!" Steven said, bringing his fingers away from the water. "Steven..." Peridot said sternly. "Why are your fingers cats?" "Is this a normal part of that 'puberty' thing Greg keeps warning me about?" Jasper said, one eyebrow raised. "Oh, no..." Lapis said, pushing the boat back towards the dock. "Steven, Just don't move, and don't let the cats touch the water, whatever you do."

"Wait, I don't understand..." Peridot said, raising her hands. "What happened?" Lapis turned back towards Peridot, exasperated. "Look, I tried to teach Steven how to shapeshift earlier today, and he stayed in one form for too long, and it's starting to take over."

"Wait, what?" Peridot asked. "But it hasn't even been a day, it shouldn't even be destabilizing, let alone taking over. I think..." Lapis shrugged. "I don't know if it's because he's a human, or inexperienced, or what, but it's pretty clear that that's getting out of hand-" she was intersected by a gruff "HAH." from the back of the boat. Lapis glared at Jasper. "-But, I clearly need to do something, or else Steven's going to be overrun with _cats_. On his _own body_." Peridot opened her screen and inspected it.

Peridot sighed. "I understand your worrying, Lapis, but if we don't go fight this island, we're _all_ going to die. And you're pretty important for this particular mission. So, sorry, but he's probably not gonna die in the next hour and a half." Lapis sighed, and turned the ship around. "Just...try to deal with it until we get back, I guess. And don't feed them! Feeding them is a BAD idea!

Steven sighed as the gems sailed off through the ocean. "I wanted to fight a living island..."

* * *

Steven opened a refrigerator door, to five yowling feline's dismay. "I'm getting food, you stupid cat fingers. You know, so I don't _die_." Nevertheless, despite the fingers being just as much a part of Steven as Steven was, they seemed to be unaware of the importance of eating. Steven attempted to grab a sandwich from the fridge, but had to drop the plate at his cat's protest.

Steven sat down on the floor, groaning. "Great! I can't eat, I can't swim, and I can't use a remote! So, I guess I'll just sit here. Until the gems get back. Fine." Steven suddenly noticed an eating sound coming from the floor. He looked down to see the cat fingers munching on the floorbound sandwich happily, making happy cat noises. Steven, however, made rather unhappy Steven noises. He pulled his hand away, much at the hungry cats' protest. "Uhhh, okay, now I need to figure out why Lapis didn't want the cat fingers to eat.

His curiosities were rather quickly answered by a single, deep meow coming from his left hand. He looked towards it, only to see a stub with a cat face on it. He walked up onto his feet, but stumbled back into the wall due to his foot being replaced by a similar, orange cat blob. Steven wanted to do something about it, but about all he could convince his body to do was pass out.

* * *

"st...ven...are...u...ay? S...n? STEVEN!" Steven's eyes were wrestled open by Lapis shaking him. "W...what's going on?" Steven said, barely conscious. "Your body is about 90% cats, and Peridot is trying to find some way to fix that. Jasper would have tried to help, had we not already known her solution would be 'punch them until they go away', which would be great idea had you not been in the pile of cats." Steven sighed. Surprisingly, he wasn't particularly upset about the situation. In hindsight, that might have just been his body trying to console him before his likely death. A death which might well have happened, had he not had an idea.

"Water! The cats hate water!" Lapis glanced around. "Well, yeah. I knew that." Steven shook his head-or what remained of it under the thousand yowling cats. "No, I mean they _hate_ water! When you splashed them earlier, it shrunk a little! Maybe water kills them!" Lapis looked at Steven incredulously, clearly thinking that that was the stupidest idea she'd ever heard. Suddenly, the light bulb flicked on. "Wait, no, that makes sense!"

Lapis rushed Steven outside and placed him on the ground. Steven closed his eyes, and Lapis started splashing him with water. Slowly but surely, cats started disappearing back into Steven's Steven-y body. Lapis started cackling, as she continued splashing them. "Die, you stupid parasites, DIE!" After much struggling, the last cat shrunk back into human skin, and Steven opened his eyes. "Did we do it? Am I still cats?" Lapis inspected him, finding no signs of the foreboding felines. "Nope, clean as far as I can tell."

Steven sighed in relief. "Lapis?" At her name, Lapis perked up slightly. "Yes?"

"I don't think I want to shapeshift."


	7. Bubble Buddies

Steven exited his part of the temple, wearing a red helmet and holding a bike. He walked down the stairs, doing his best to keep it stable using the small ramp on the side. Meanwhile, the gems walked up to the temple from the beach after inspecting some strange rumblings. "No, no, it can't just be random earthquakes, they're way too frequent..." Peridot grumbled towards Lapis, inspecting some obscure but evidently relevant data on her screen. Lapis shrugged.

"I dunno...we never did get a gem from the island, right? Maybe it came back?" Peridot shook her head. "No, it's only been a day. A gem a tenth of it's size wouldn't be back yet, let alone one that big." The ground shook violently, sending Steven and his bike careening down towards the sand below. Thankfully, he had a blanket of water cushioning his fall.

"Geez, dude, careful." Lapis said, dispersing the water back into the ocean. Steven walked back towards his bike and picked it up. "And, uh...is there a reason you're trying to ride a _bike_ on the _beach_?" Steven propped his bike up with the kickstand and leaned against it, trying to look cool. "You know, just going for a leisurely ride." Lapis smirked. "On the sand?" Steven nodded, still doing his best to look cool.

Lapis shrugged. "Alright then, Fonzie, you go do that." Steven hopped on his stationary bike. "I'm so cool, I even know what you're talking about." Steven attempted to kick the kickstand up to ride, but the bike, Steven in tow, simply fell over. Lapis stifled a laugh. "You, uh, need some help?"

Steven got up and took his bike with him. "Nope, I'm fine, thanks." Finally, after much difficulty, he managed to "speed" off, away from the gems. "By the way," Lapis called from behind him. "Fonzie is from a 1970's sitcom." "I knew that!" Steven called back.

* * *

Connie sat on the beach, nose deeper in her book than the Marianas trench was in the ocean. She heard what sounded like struggling coming from in front of her, but she nevertheless wasn't particularly interested in what was going on. Surely the kid was fine, she would be able to tell if something was wrong. Eventually, the struggling stopped, and she heard something hit the sand. "Smooth ride!" Pause. "Five speeds..." If Connie could give a negative shit, she would. "...Hand brakes!..." Did he actually think he was doing something? "Electric blue finish with a tiger bell?" she heard a dinging sound, presumably form the aforementioned bell. "I bet a lot of kids would love to ride this bab-wooah!" Connie heard a crash and looked up to see both a kid and a bike lying on the beach floor. To be fair, he didn't seem to be lying about the bike, at least. It was pretty good. The kid who owned it didn't seem to care that much, though, considering the fact that he freaked out and ran away.

* * *

Steven slammed the door behind him and barricaded it with his body. He turned to the gems, all huddled around the window, leaning over a small bench. "Hi?" Steven said awkwardly. Jasper turned towards him slightly confused. "While I'm glad you seem to have found a meat child of like age with which to converse, running away at her noticing you seems to me like an inefficient tactic."

"Y-you guys were watching!?" Steven said, flustered. "Well, yeah." Lapis said. "Did you think we were all inspecting to make sure the window was still transparent?" Steven blushed. "Sooooooo~!" Lapis said, reclining onto the bench. "What's her name?"

Steven glanced around awkwardly before shrugging. Lapis scoffed. "Well, this just will. Not. do." She punctuated these words with shakes of her head. "We're gonna have to go introduce you to her _properly._ " Steven sighed. "Okay. But first, I need to find some materials." Lapis raised an eyebrow and watched as Steven ran towards the refrigerator. "Oooooookay then."

Steven opened the freezer and took out a light-up bracelet. He placed it in his pocket and walked towards Lapis. "I'm ready."

* * *

"Hello, my name is Steven! He _llo_ , my name is Steven! Hello, _my_ name is Steven!" Lapis gently hit Steven on the shoulder. "You don't need to act all _suave_ , ya goof, just talk to her like a human being." Steven sighed and walked up to Connie. "Hello." Connie looked up form her book at the space-intruder. "My name is Stevahhhhh-" this was interrupted by a sudden tremor, knocking off a chunk of hair from the large statue looming above the temple. Steven tackled Connie in an attempt to get her out of the way, and closed his eyes.

Eventually he opened his eyes, only to see him and Connie surrounded in a pink tint. He heard a muffled version of Lapis' voice freaking out from the inside. "Uhm, hi, my name is Steven." The bespectacled girl adjusted her glasses slightly. "Uh, Connie. Connie Maheswaran." Steven walked back slightly, giving Connie room to stand up.

"So, uh...is this...normal?' Connie asked, inspecting the bubble. "Uh...no. Not really. This is new." they heard a muffled slamming sound coming from not too far away. "Well..." Connie said. "Can you get rid of it?" Steven shrugged, and stopped the ground with his arms outstretched. He tried this a couple more times, to no avail. "Nope. Guess no-oAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" All of a sudden, he and Connie were soaring through the air.

* * *

Lapis stood aghast. Somehow Steven had managed to summon Rose's bubble, and she highly doubted he knew how to disperse it. "AaaaaaaaAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OH GOD, PERIDOT'S GONNA KILL ME! AND JASPER! AND MY OWN SELF LOATHING FOR LETTING THIS HAPPEN! Calm down, Lapis. Calm down. You can fix this. Somehow. Just...go get Peri! She'll know what to do!" Lapis slowly backed away from the bubble, before breaking into a full sprint towards the door. She slammed it walking in, frantically looking around for Peridot. Unfortunately for her, all she could see was Jasper, reclining so hard into the couch she was surprised it wasn't breaking.

"I don't understand what you like about these shows, Lapis." Jasper said, referring to a sitcom playing on the TV. "The jokes aren't even funny." Lapis groaned. "NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT STUPID SITCOMS, JASPER!" "It's no-" "WHERE'S PERIDOT!?" Jasper shrugged. "Probably in her room, working on her stupid little robot things." "BUT I CAN'T TALK TO HER IN HER ROOM!" Jasper covered her ears-or where they would be, where she not a gem. "Geez, Lapis, you don't need to shout. What's wrong?"

Lapis pulled a blind down and pointed towards the bubble. Jasper walked over to the window and stared at the bubble. Jasper chuckled and cracked her knuckles. "It's fine, I know what to do. Things like this just require a personal touch." Jasper calmly walked towards the bubble, Lapis silently freaking out behind her. Jasper saw Steven doing some weird pose, and decided that was as good a cue as any. She wound up and whacked the bubble, causing it to fly away towards the big donut. Lapis froze immediately, and Jasper followed suit. "Oooooooohhhh...that...was not as good an idea as I thought at first."

* * *

"-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The bubble made a loud thumping noise as it hit the top of the big donut, eventually landing on the concrete and stopping at a railing between the ledge and the ocean below. Steven and Connie breathed a sigh of relief, as Lars and Sadie came out of the store to inspect. "Oh boy..." Sadie said, putting her head in her hand. "Good thing this was a slow day."

Sadie whacked the bubble with a hammer, while Lars watched on, laughing at Steven's situation. "Wooo, is that your _love_ bubble? That you made because of your _loooooooooove_?" Sadie groaned. "Lars, stop being a jerk and help me!" "I am helping!" Lars said adamantly. "I'm helping Steven on his da-" "OH MY GOD LARS, SHUT UP!" Lars stopped in his tracks, as Sadie seethed from the other side. "Get. Me. A. Drill." "Yes'm." Lars said, awkwardly walking into the store.

"That's Sadie and Lars." Steven explained. "Do they...like each other?" Connie said, eyebrow raised. "Uh...most of the time?" Steven said, shrugging. They heard a muffled drilling sound coming from the right side of the bubble, and turned around to see Sadie attempting to break through the bubble. The bubble, however, didn't relent, and the drill bit slowly began to bend. Sadie looked at the bent drill quizzically, before dropping it on the ground. "We need a new drill, Lars." "I-I'll go throw this away!" Lars said, scrambling over towards the broken drill. "Sorry, Steven." Sadie said. "Hopefully you'll figure something out."

Steven put his hand to his chin. "You know what? I think I have an idea."

"Beach...City...Fun land?" Connie asked. Steven nodded. "A lot of horrible accidents happen here eve

* * *

ry day. So, we just need to be part of one!" Connie looked at Steven worriedly. "This is a bad idea, Steven." Steven waved his hand dismissively. "It's fine, trust me. I know what I'm doing!" Steven rolled the bubble up to the top of some stairs leading to a rollercoaster called 'the appalachian.' "So, we just roll down onto the ramp when the cars come, and when they hit us, the bubble pops, and we're free!" Connie facepalmed. "And what happens _after_ the bubble pops?"

Steven thought for a second, before walking to the back of the bubble. "It made more sense before I thought about it." Unfortunately, a sudden tremor knocked Steven and Connie onto the tracks, starting them rolling towards the rollercoaster. Mr. Smiley attempted to stop the train before the bubble was hit, but he was too late. So, for the second time today, Connie and Steven were launched up into the air.

* * *

"Steven.

Steven, open your eyes, we're not dead."

Steven opened his eyes, to see that they were engulfed in water. "Buuuuut that might change. We need to roll all the way to the shore. Wherever that is. So...fun." Steven stood up and pulled his jeans up slightly. "Well then, better get a-rollin'!"

Before he could out his words into actions, however, a large translucent worm with a gem in it's mouth swam overhead. "Wuh-oh..." Steven said worriedly. "What? What's wrong?" Connie said, looking towards Steven. "I think that's a gem monster. They...don't like people." Thankfully, the monster ignored the two children and went for some glowing kelp. "Oh, good! It only eats glowing stuff! And we don't glow."

This optimistic thought was interrupted by the worm violently digging through the ground, causing a massive crack in the sea floor, through which Steven and Connie fell.

After the impact, Connie slowly stood up. And started cackling. "Oh. Okay. It's fine! This is fine! We're only trapped on the bottom of the ocean! Everything. Is. Great. You know, I'm gonna die here at the bottom of the ocean, either through drowning or starvation, and it's gonna happen while I'm some random loser who sits on the beach and reads sometimes! And nobody's going to care except my parents, because they're the only ones who even know my _name_! ISN'T THAT GREAT!?" Her rant was interrupted by a soft, pinkish-red glow.

"You know," Steven said. "I've seen you before. At the fair, one year ago. I was on the car wash float. You dropped this-" He presented a light bracelet. "-I wanted to give it to you, but you had left by the time I was done with the parade. So, I saved it in the freezer, just in case I saw you again."

"For a year?" Connie said, laughing.

"Well, yeah..." Steven said blushing. "Look, my point is, _I_ know your name, and I like you. So...you at least managed to make one friend before the end.

Connie sighed and took the bracelet, placing it on her arm. Suddenly, the water around the bubble started rumbling. "Do you feel thaaAAAAAA" The water around them suddenly collapsed into a pocket, and she and Steven were launched into the air. They landed next to Lapis. "Okay, good, that was actually you. Was kinda worried I'd just dug up a huge pearl or somethin'."

"Pearls don't have heat signatures, Lapis." Peridot said. "Or at least not these ones..." She grumbled.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever, ya big nerd. I was making a joke." Peridot sighed. "Okay, Steven, other child, stay away from the edges of the bubble." Peridot's fingers detached, causing Connie to happily back into the center of the bubble, and Steven would have done it anyway. Peridot's fingers electrified and the edges sharpened slightly-more like a drill than a knife. They started spinning, and punctured the bubble, causing it to pop. Steven and Connie fell on their butts, and Peridot brought her fingers back to her hands. _"_ _voila_! One popped bubble, two free children. I'm great. _" "_ Dooooooooooork!~" Lapis called from behind her.

The ground suddenly started rumbling. "Here comes the worm! Everyone get ready! Steven, Steven's friend, your getting ready is getting inside." "Awww, maaan." Steven groaned. Connie seemed perfectly content to follow Peridot's orders to the letter, but before she could, the worm bust through the ground, almost swallowing Connie. "AND HERE SHE IS!" Lapis yelled, whacking it with a solid glob of water. "It wants shiny things!" Peridot yelled, shooting it with balls of electricity.

Jasper punched the worm, causing it to recoil. "I hope my fists are shiny enough for it, then!" She reached into the worm's mouth and pulled out a gem, causing the worm to poof. Jasper bubbled the gem and sent it to the room with the rest of them, and walked up to Connie. "Welcome to the life of a gem, meat child. If you wish to be friends with Steven, get used to it."

Connie turned to Steven. "Steven?" Steven turned back towards her. "Yeah?"

"I...I don't think I like your moms."


	8. Serious Steven

Steven opened his eyes, ears ringing. He saw a trashed funland, with tired gems strewn about crushed buildings. And above him, a large blue spire, the location of the dreaded teacups.

* * *

TWO WEEKS LATER

Steven and Lapis floated around in a small tube of light, as Jasper and Peridot watched on. "Steven, _stop"_ Peridot said exasperatedly, as she used her fingers to right Steven. "Aww, but Lapis is doing it." Steven said, disappointed. "C'mon, Peri." Lapis said, just as disappointed as Steven. "Don't be a buzzkill." Peridot groaned. "Lapis, _you_ don't need to worry about cracking your skull open. Steven does. Which isn't helped by the blunt instrument which he apparently believes is necessary."

"You mean my ukulele?" Steven said, unstrapping a small, colorful instrument from his back. He strummed out a couple random tunes. "Yes, I mean your ukulele. Why do you even need that stupid thing?" Steven turned his nose up slightly. "Because, I like it. Plus, it boosts morale!"

Peridot sighed. "Whatever you say, Steven." Suddenly, the light disappeared, and the gems were standing on a crystalline pad surrounded by strawberries. Peridot forced out a fake laugh. "Right, I'm not walking through that." She picked up Steven and raised her right hand skyward. Her fingers started rotating, and she, Steven in tow, rose into the air. Lapis groaned. "C'mon, Peri, we can't do that." "And we don't need to." Jasper said, pushing Lapis off the pad and into the fields.

"But I don't wear shoes..." Lapis said, somewhat disappointed, lifting a now strawberry goop-covered foot off the ground. "And _I_ don't wear a water proof suit." Jasper said as she jumped down, splashing a bit more goop on Lapis. "But you don't see me complaining when you decide it would be funny to splash me." Lapis begrudgingly followed Jasper through the field.

Eventually, they reached a clearing, where they found Peridot and Steven waiting for them. "You know, Steven, this used to be a gem battlefield! That's what all the weapons-" Peridot motioned to an assortment of random weapons, but she was stopped upon realizing Lapis and Jasper had arrived. "Nevermind." Peridot said, getting up. "I'll tell you about it later." The gems walked down the path, as Lapis made a point of avoiding any of the strawberries laid around the ground. After a small amount of walking, they came across a large temple in the shape of an upside-down triangle.

Peridot sighed. "I don't understand how they figured out how to make these kinds of shapes work. This should have collapsed due to structural instability thousands of years ago." She walked up to a small hole in the wall, that seemed to also have a pyramid shape to it. "Doesn't this thing need a key?" Lapis asked, leaning from behind the back. Peridot chuckled. "Theoretically, yes. But if you have _me_ on the team..." Peridot detached 8 of her fingers, 4 from each side, and formed them in the shape of a pyramid. "You have the key walking right by you." Peridot inserted her makeshift key into the hole, causing a small portion of the wall to disappear. "And that's how you open a door, the Peridot way." Peridot said confidently as she strode into the temple.

The gems entered the temple, which was adorned at the top by a large mural of what appeared to be a full-scale gem war, as well as one with 4 figures-one of which looking rather similar to Rose Quartz-in a diamond shape. Lapis looked forlornly at the figure on the right, while Peridot did the same for the figure on the left. This was interrupted by Steven piping up from the middle of the room. "Hey, it's another one of those upside-down triangle thingies! And it's floating!" Steven waved his hand under the floating pyramid, and went to touch the top.

"DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Peridot yelled, putting her hand up. "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING!" But it was too late. Steven withdrew his hand, and the triangle flipped over. "How many times does this need to happen before you learn not to touch this crap..." Peridot grumbled under her breath. The ground started rumbling, and eventually a hole in the ceiling opened, sucking up the four gems.

* * *

The gems were deposited in a large, circular room, where a multitude of doors and torches resided. "So." Jasper said, rising to her feet. "How do we get out of here?" Peridot opened her screen and looked at some notes regarding the temple. "I...don't know. I was told what flipping over the triangle did, but I don't believe I was ever informed about this room." Jasper groaned. "Great. So we just need to go through all the rooms until one of them leads to the exit."

Peridot nodded. "Jasper, Lapis, you two go as one team. Me and Steven are the other." Steven ran over beside Peridot and raised his hands. "Yaaaaay!" Lapis shrugged and walked next to Jasper. "I can live with that." Lapis turned towards Jasper and raised her hand for a high-five. After a second, Jasper, without even turning her head, gently pushed Lapis' hand down. Lapis dejectedly walked through the door behind her, and Jasper followed suit.

Peridot turned to Steven and put her hands behind her back. "Now, Steven, this is a serious mission. Can you handle that?" Steven saluted. "Serious Steven is ready to handle whatever you throw at him!" Peridot chuckled. "Well, best case scenario, that's nothing. Don't know how I'd deal with that particular kind of trap." Steven looked at the set of doors, before pointing at a random one. "Serious Steven says that _that_ one is the exit!" Peridot shrugged. "Better than nothing." She and Steven walked through the door.

* * *

Steven and Peridot emerged in a light blue room, where a large amount of seemingly random panels began to glow, save for the entrance and exit, which came pre-glowed. The entrance and exit closed, and bars came down, making sure whoever couldn't Steven thought for a second, and seemed to lose his balance. He collected himself, however, and said "Hmmm...maybe we need to only step on the glowy panels or someth-" This was interrupted by him getting picked up by Peridot, who used her helicopter fingers to fly Steven and herself over to the other side. Peridot dropped Steven down onto the exit, and then landed herself. The exit opened, and Steven dejectedly walked through. "Hey, Steven, your way would have worked too!"

The two walked into a long, grey hallway, covered in obscure drawings. Once again, the entrance and exit closed and locked. "Now, this one, I can't skip." Peridot said, examining the drawings. Steven did the same on his side. "Maybe there's...a lot of triangles hidden in this room?" Steven asked, half joking. Peridot turned toward him and looked at him strangely. "I think anything like that would have to be a spike trap, and that's not a good thing."

Steven shrugged and leaned all the wall. "Just a suggestiooon!" halfway through his sentence, a small panel in the wall slid in. Steven lost his balance, and felt somewhat sick. "RUN!" Peridot yelled, running towards the exit. Steven plodded along, barely holding in his lunch. He was, however, encouraged by a large, spiked column landing right next to him, barely missing him, but crushing his ukulele. Steven would have mourned, had mourning not meant getting crushed by spikes. So, Steven simply ran up to Peridot, who had already arrived and opened the exit.

"Are you alright, Steven?" Steven shook his head. "Uh...maybe. I just...kinda feel like I'm gonna hurl." Peridot gently clapped him on the shoulder. "Well, let's at least get through this next room, alright?" Steven sighed. "Okay."

The pair walked into the next room, once again causing the doors to lock. This room was an absolute mishmash of deathraps, with swinging axes, spikes on the bottom, spikes coming down from the top (again), small platforms, and just in case you thought you might have a chance, the platforms were periodically doused in lava.

Peridot said something, but Steven couldn't particularly make anything out before fainting.

* * *

2 WEEKS EARLIER

Peridot said something, but Steven couldn't particularly make anything out over his own excitement. Steven sat in a teacup at the top of a large spire, getting geared for what was undoubtedly going to be the best ride he was ever going to experience at funland. After a few seconds, the cups started spinning. A few seconds later, Steven wished they would stop. "I-I think I need to get off..." He said to Peridot, his partner on the ride. He climbed on the side, though Peridot reach out to try and stop him, and jumped off.

His fall was thankfully landed by Mr. Smiley standing below him. Less thankfully, the lever controlling the ride snapped off, causing the teacups to spin out of control. Half of the teacups detached, launching their riders into the ocean (though thankfully not trapping anyone), and the rest simply snapped off, landing their riders on the ground, though it still destroyed a couple conveniently unoccupied buildings. Nevertheless, Mr. Smiley picked Steven up by the collar. "Steven...you're banned from everything. Forever."

* * *

Steven opened his eyes, finding himself at the exit of the deathtrap room. "What happened?" he said drowsily. "I flew your unconscious body to the other side by sticking to the right. "Oh." Awkward silence. Steven got onto his feet, and he and Peridot walked through the exit...and back out into a completely different door. Lapis and Jasper simultaneously exited their path. "Wait, _what_." Lapis said, flatly. "Apparently," Peridot said. "These people not only mastered making this place not collapse, but also non-euclidean geometry. Great." Jasper growled. "I am _not_ doing this today!" She ran off into a random door without Lapis, and came back, not 10 seconds later, encased in ice, out of a door on the other end of the room. Lapis sighed and walked over, before trying to crack open the ice block Jasper was encased in.

"So...somehow, we went in a straight line...and appeared on the other side of the room." A loud crack sounded from the other side of the room as Jasper was freed from her icy prison. "Which means that either this is some absolutely gorgeous architecture, or there's a twist." Steven snapped. "Wait a second, maybe the rooms spin!" Peridot laughed. "Oh, Steven, that...explains...everything, Man, I need to stop thinking that every idea you have is laughably silly."

"Wait, what?" Lapis called from the other side of the room. "Steven got sick in the rooms for-well, no reason I could figure out." "It killed my ukulele..." Steven said sadly. "Yes, and it knocked you unconscious in that last room. So, if the rooms spin, then that would explain Steven's motion sickness, _and_ this apparent breaking of the laws of physics!" Lapis looked at Jasper. "What?" Lapis wordlessly pointed at the ground. "Oh."

Meanwhile, the core worked away. Spin the rooms, close the doors, trap the people, everything it's been told to do. Suddenly, the floor above it came crashing down, and 4 foreign objects were in it's chamber. That wasn't accounted for.

The gems all landed on small, triangular platforms, circling around some sort of spire with a gem in the middle. " _Finally_ " Peridot said, in regards to the gem. "We actually get to the thing we're here for. That gem is powering and controlling the whole place. We just extract that and bubble it, and we'll get ejected back out in the field." Steven was picked up by a large hand. "Meat child missle! Extract the gem!"

He found himself launched at the spire, eventually hitting it, not too far from (thankfully) a floor. Steven, with a bit of struggling, managed to get the gem out of it's socket, causing the platforms to start collapsing and disappearing into multiple yellow-ish pixels.

Silence. Everything had stopped, with little to no obvious life still in the temple. Until, that is, the gems were launched out into the fields. Everyone got up, and Lapis walked over to the gem before bubbling it and walking to the war pad, Jasper in tow. But, that wasn't all that survived the blast..."My ukulele!"

Steven ran over to a snapped-in-half ukulele, picked up the pieces, and then walked over to the warp pad. "Don't worry, Steven's got you." Peridot groaned and stood next to him. "We could have just bought a ukulele, Steven." The gems disappeared in a tube of light.


	9. Steven's Lion

Skipping tiger millionaire is 100% intentional. I saw no way for that to make any sense whatsoever with these characters. That isn't the only episode I'll be skipping, (you can probably guess 2 of the ones I am) but it'll be a bit until I skip another.

The prolonged wait, however, was not particularly intentional. But oh well. Consider it my impression of the crewniverse. *laughing, slowly transitioning into sobbing*

* * *

"Water..." Steven said weakly, crawling on his hands and knees. "Just need...one drink..." Steven collapsed onto his chest and closed his eyes. "You know Steven," Lapis said, moving a large glob of water near Steven's face. "You can just _ask_ for a drink from my bubble without being all passive-agressive about it." Steven got to his feet and plucked a small sphere of water from the bubble. He put the water inside his mouth, causing it to immediately turn back into a liquid, and swallowed it. Peridot made the sound of clearing her throat from a bit further ahead. "If you two are done being idiots at each other, get over here."

Lapis rolled her eyes and started walking over to Peridot. Steven got up on his feet and decided to follow suit. He ran, arms outstretched, up to Peridot. Ahead of him, the desert was an odd red tint, and multitudes of sand structures stood. Or, at least, they stood for a bit. Columns appeared with no roofs, ending very slightly before stairs to nowhere which rose and fell all in the same minute. "What Is this place?" Steven said, wide-eyed.

"In better days, a gem-powered artificial temple made out of the desert. Kinda like the last place we went to, actually. But lately, the gem's gone aimless. Now instead of an artificial temple, it's more like a bunch of living ruins. Random structures appearing and disappearing constantly, it's becoming too dangerous. So, we need to find the gem that's acting as the core, and get it off the sand. Then, we're done! Easy!" Steven started walking towards the ruins. "'Yay, easy!" He was stopped by Peridot's fingers on his chest. "Okay, Steven, when I said 'easy', I meant easy for _us_. You're better off staying here."

Steven groaned and sat down. "But what if something eats me?" Peridot gave him a look of disapproval. "Steven, we are in a desert. There is no life here big enough to eat a human. Not even one your size. Just find somewhere to sit, we'll be back soon." Peridot motioned the rest of the gems to go towards the ruins, and then started walking off towards it on her own.

A column materialized not too far behind Steven, which was just fine with him, as it gave him something to lean on, despite having to shift backwards to do so. Steven closed his eyes, but this was interrupted when his leaning pillar crumbled. Steven opened his eyes, only to see what appeared to be a large, pink lion hovering over him. Steven yelped and backed up. " _You're_ big enough to eat a human my size!" The lion followed Steven's floundering with his eyes, but otherwise remained motionless. "But...do you _want_ to?"

Steven cautiously approached the still motionless pastel lion, and slowly put his hand on it's face. The lion still had basically no reaction, other than turning his head slightly, as if to guide's Steven's hand to a particular spot. Steven started rubbing, causing the lion to sit down contentedly. "Aw, man, you're just like a big cat!" Steven said, walking around the lion. "A big cat that doesn't want to eat me! Those are the best kinds!"

A large wave of sand blasted on both Steven and the lion's faces, as the gems exited the previously intact (as much as you could call it intact, anyway) living ruins. "Come on, Jasper, just _bubble_ the thing." Peridot said, walking out of the dust cloud. Jasper held a pillow with a small gem in the top close to her chest. "No. It's a war trophy."

"War? It was only even a fight by technicality." Peridot asked, turning up towards Jasper. Jasper held it tighter and clenched her teeth. "War. Trophy." Peridot sighed. "Fine, Whatever." Steven climbed on top of the lion and waved at the gems.

Peridot stopped in her tracks, mouth half-open. Jasper kept walking towards Steven, barely even reacting. Lapis, on the other hand, ran up excitedly. "Wow, that's so cool!" Lapis climbed on the lion's back, behind Steven. It reacted slightly more than it did when Steven did it, but it was more a slight glare than anything violent. "What's his name?"

"I hadn't named him yet...ummm...Lion! With a _capital_ L!" "DJT-GZT-BJIT!" Peridot made sounds of distress, utterly unable to object, despite the rather objectionable circumstances. Lapis shrugged. "Okay!"

Steven turned towards Peridots, stars in his eyes. "Can I keep him?" Peridot made a whimper of defeat and put her head in her hands. "Yes. Sure. Fine."

"Woo!" Steven yelled, throwing his hands into the air. He lowered his right and looked at Lapis, moving his hand slightly closer. Lapis shrugged and returned the hi-five. Peridot groaned. "I'm my own monster..."

* * *

The crystal gems walked towards a crystalline pad-though Steven and Lapis simply rode on top of Lion, who looked rather disgruntled with the situation.

" _I ain't lyin'_

 _i'm ridin' on my lion-"_

Steven sang, while sitting upright near Lion's head.

" _We're feelin' just fine_

 _sitting on this neon feline"_

Lapis chimed in, hanging half off on both sides, just barely even staying on top of him.

" _Without a destination in miiiiiiind~_ "

They sang together.

Peridot turned around and raised an eyebrow. "You very much do. We're _there_ , in fact." Peridot waved her hand near the warp pad. Lapis mockingly scoffed. "It's a _song,_ Peri, don't take it so seriously, ya dork." Peridot grumbled and stepped on the warp, and Jasper followed suit, slinging the desert glass across her shoulder, causing Peridot to step back worriedly. "Jasper, you-uurrgghh!"

Steven put his head closer to Lion's ears. "Okay, Lion, go stand on that big pad there, okay?" Lion turned his head slightly towards Steven, still glaring, before doing as he was told. Lion stood on the warp pad, which started to glow. Just before the beam of light whisked them away, Lion sat down on the pad, causing Lapis to roll off his back and onto the cold pad below. Lapis made a small harumph. "Wow, ru-"

* * *

The crystal gems, plus Lion, arrived in the temple. Steven slid off his side, landing back on the pad. "Good Lion!" He said, putting his hand in his mane. After a second, Steven brought his hands out, startled. "That's weirdly deep..." Lion made a small roar that somehow, despite it's non-verbalness, was still obviously a verbal shrug.

Peridot made the noise of clearing her throat, bringing both Steven's and Lion's attention to an open door. "We are _not_ letting him stay in the temple. He is staying outside...except for when it's raining, I guess. BUT STILL!" Lion walked outside, expression not changing even slightly from the 'mildly annoyed' it had been since Lapis climbed on. Peridot poised herself to slam the door shut, but all that really happened was her arm shaking a bit. "I can't get the satisfaction if you _go along_ with it!" Lion yawned, not particularly interested in Peridot's very serious problem.

Peridot growled. "STEVEN!" Steven looked at Peridot. "Go play with your stupid new pet or something." Steven saluted and ran outside, getting a few feet away from the door before Lion started following him-but not before shooting Peridot a glare.

"Wow," Lapis said, stifling a laugh. "You just got silently told off by a pink lion."

* * *

Steven, sitting on top of a sleeping-or at least trying to sleep-Lion, turned at the sound of a door creaking open. Lapis closed the door behind her and waved. "I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" She started walking down the stairs.

Steven shook his head and hopped off Lion, who lazily yawned and rose up from the beach sands. "Good," Lapis said. "Because I think I'm finally starting to get tired of Royal Flush." Steven looked taken aback, and Lapis giggled. "Nah, just kidding. Just felt bored." She walked over to Lion, and put her hand near his head. He made a small sound of displeasure, but didn't really protest any further. Lapis withdrew her hand slightly, before shrugging. "You don't want me doing it, I won't do it."

"So," Steven said, walking up to Lion. "What _do_ you want to do?" Lion turned his head slightly, as if he was thinking. Eventually, his stomach grumbled, causing him to widen his eyes. He did what seemed to be a shrug, and looked towards Steven. "You're hungry?" Lion nodded.

"Well," Lapis said, putting her hand on her chin. "What would a giant pink lion even eat?"

Steven looked towards the boardwalk, and one restaurant in particular stood out to him as the best candidate.

* * *

"Give us the bits!" Steven slammed the counter of Beach Citywalk Fries, looking determined, as Lion watched from behind, confused even behind his blase expression. Lapis walked in from the right of the shop. "This...is not what I expected." A teenager with curly hair was attending the counter, though he was apparently not particularly interested in the task, considering the fact that he was staring down at a phone. He offhandedly raised his hand at Lapis. "Lapis." Lapis did the same. "Ronaldo."

"C'mon, Ronaldo!" Steven said, upset. "My lion's hungry, I need the bits!" Ronaldo scoffed. "Yeah, sure, you have a liooooooooooohhhhhhh!" The teenager slowly raised his head towards the large pastel feline on that last syllable, before quickly raising his phone up towards him and snapping a picture. Lion recoiled and grunted at the flash of the phone, though he quickly regained his composure, with no harsher reaction towards Ronaldo other than a slightly angrier glare than before.

"What was that about?" Steven asked, trying to sneak a peek at Ronaldo's phone as he tapped away. Ronaldo jumped his head up.

"My blog!" He said excitedly, turning the phone around. "Keep Beach City Weird! It's about all the strange happenings that go around this town-" He punctuated this last sentence with a sinister waving of his fingers. "I'm practically a weird magnet." He finished, sounding oddly proud of himself.

"Wait," Steven said, surprised. " _You_ run that?" Ronaldo nodded, eyes closed. Had he opened them, he might have noticed Steven shifting back slightly.

Lion's stomach grumbled, causing Steven to turn towards him. He turned back and slammed the counter. "Bits!"

"Bits." A dry, nasally voice called from the left of Ronaldo, in unison with a bag hitting the counter. "Do your job, Ronaldo." Peedee said as he turned around and walked towards the back of the shop. After an awkward silence, Ronaldo turned towards Steven. "My job requires you to give me money." Steven fished a 5 out of his pocket and put it on the counter, before taking the bag and walking back towards the temple.

* * *

Steven and Lapis lounged on the beach, eating the bits, Steven occasionally moving a handful towards Lion, who ate them-while not enthusiastically-with no protest. "I fail to see an adequate reason for you two to be eating on the beach." Steven and Lapis turned around to see Jasper standing on the top of the porch, desert glass still slung over her shoulder. "'Ss nice out." Lapis said simply, mouth full of bits. "I fail to see an adequate reason for you to still be carrying the desert glass around." Lion perked up, and turned back towards Jasper.

"War. Trophy." Jasper said slowly, with no less hostility than when Peridot tried to make her relent. Lapis shrugged and turned back towards the ocean. "Alrighty then."

"HEY! WAR TROPHY!" Jasper yelled from the porch, startling both Steven and Lapis. They turned back around to see her fighting over it with Lion. "Lion, no!" Steven said, running up the porch. "Let-urgh-go!" He grunted, tugging at Lion from behind.

"You're _helping_ him tug at it, Steven." Lapis yelled from the beach below. Steven paused, taking his hands off of Lion. Jasper and Lion continued their feud over the pillow, unimpeded by the other two participants. Eventually, Jasper landed a punch on Lion, who recoiled and growled and pain, ripping the desert glass out of Jasper's hands in the progress. Which might have been positive had that not sent it soaring onto the beach below, just barely out of the reach of Lapis.

The gems-Lion included-stood slackjawed as the pillow hit the sands below. "Is...that a bad thing?" Steven said, tentatively. The desert glass took the initiative in telling him as it built up a spire, swallowing Lapis inside a giant cylinder of sand. Lapis yelped, though it was cut short as the structure raced itself past her.

Steven turned towards Jasper. "WHAT DO WE DO!?"

"We have to get the desert glass off the sand. Somehow. And before it crushes Lapis into dust."

"WELL DO SOMETHING!" Jasper backed off slightly. "Woah, I don't know what you want _me_ to do. You can't exactly headbutt a tower of sand until it gives up. The only reason we even beat the thing last time was because of Lapis. Which may have been the reason it went for her, aside from proximity."

They turned at a loud roar, and saw a large sonic blast coming from Lion's mouth blasting away a large pillar of sand. "Woah..." Steven said under his breath, stars in his eyes. Jasper, however, looked silently on in confusion.

Lion jumped back as spikes built themselves up from under him. The sand around the area grew a reddish tint, and started whirling around in a storm, in a way almost exactly like in the desert. Lion turned around towards Steven and growled. "What?" Steven asked, taking a step back. Lion rolled his eyes and pounced. "HEY!" Jasper yelled, and Steven closed his eyes.

A few seconds later, Steven opened his eyes as a blast of sand hit his face. "Oh. I'm not dead." Lion roared in a way that was obviously an almost condescending confirmation. Steven sighed, before breathing in sharply. "What do I have to do?" He asked with an almost comical seriousness. Lion hopped around on the top of the pillars, launching sonic blasts at them after jumping off. Steven cleared his throat, causing Lion to look slightly up at him. Eventually he grunted in understanding.

Next thing Steven knew, he was hurtling towards the top of a large pillar, with the desert glass resting on top of it. Steven flailed his arms in the direction of the glass, eventually picking it up. Slowly, the structures crumbled, and Steven landed on the sands, barely missing a patch of spikes, which crumbled mere moments after he landed.

Eventually, all that was left was a massive mound of sand, and a rather unhappy looking sand-covered Lapis standing on the highest point. Steven walked up to Lion. "Warn me next time you're gonna do stuff like that!" He said angrily, as Lapis bubbled the desert glass, glaring at Jasper the whole time. Lion once again grunted his verbal shrug.

"ALRIGHT, WHAT'S GOING ON OUT HERE!?" The gems all turned to see an angry looking peridot leaning out of the door. She glanced between Lion, Lapis-who had her arms folded, still glaring at Jasper-and the mound of sand behind them all. Peridot narrowed her eyes and slowly slinked back into the house.


	10. Arcade Mania

Man, you guys have got to be tired of seeing this in front of every chapter, huh? Yeeeah, writers block is a bitch, and some personal stuff got in the way, too. But, well, hopefully I'll be able to get more stuff done soon. Hopefully. A lot of good episodes are coming up, so it should be fun.

For the record, the show's developments about things like how Peridot's limb extenders work won't be taken into account here. Sorry. If you're looking for a totally canon-compliant version...this is kind of a poor choice, Lapis and Jasper are practically entirely different characters from the canon versions. Anyway, enjoy.

* * *

" _Eaaaat. Eeeeaaaaattttt..."_

Chrysocolla scrambled around her cave, searching for a source of food. Suddenly she heard some sort of rustling from below.

"You know, Steven, we didn't take Jasper with us because this was supposed to be a _stealth_ mission." She heard a barely audible voice from below. After thinking, she realized that she recognized the voice. Lapis?

No.

 _Food._

"But I don't want to catch a cold."

Chrysocolla faltered. Something about that voice felt...off. It was deep, and somewhat...muffled. Even more than _FOOD_ 's was.

 _FOOD_.

No...she had to wait. She had to understand that voice. She heard Lapis groaning. "Steven, it's not even that cold in here." Chrysocolla heard that odd voice make a small grunt. "What do you know? You can't even get sick."

"Steven!" Lapis angrily snapped. "S-sorry..." Steven said worriedly. Suddenly, a nasally voice from a bit further ahead interjected. "Lapis, stop, you're _scaring_ him." A Peridot. _Sounded tasty_. "And, frankly, he has a point."

"Yeah, I guess..." Lapis said, aggrivated.

She sighed. "Steven, I'm sorry for scaring you. I'm not always like I was at the spire, though. That was...special. You know?" The weird voice sighed. "Alright. S-sorry for the snap." Lapis giggled. "It's fine."

Chrysocolla's mind raced. _WHYDIDITMATTERGOTTAGETFOODEATEATEATEATEAT!_ Her corrupted form shook, as it started to drill into the ground below.

* * *

"It's fine." Lapis said, smiling, reaching down and ruffling Steven's hair. She froze, as she heard some sort of tunneling from above. "STEVEN, MOVE!" Steven nodded, running back, as a spiky gem monster crashed down from above. Peridot fired at the monster, who's spikes popped off and launched towards her. Peridot barely managed to dodge them, making rather unhappy sounds. Lapis ran up from behind, using a blob of water she'd been carrying to enter a weak spot on the underside of the gem monster.

It froze up, before roaring in pain and poofing into light. Lapis ran up, bubbling a rather spiky gem left behind. Steven sighed, walking up. "Did we do it? Did we win?" Lapis nodded. "Yup! Winners!" "HEY! GET BACK HERE!" Lapis and Steven turned back, seeing Peridot fire at a still-living spike, which dodged and drilled a hole into the ground, joining a rather large amount of others. Peridot grumbled. "Great. Those things are going to get annoying if we don't deal with them." Lapis walked up, putting a hand on Peri's shoulder. "It's alright, Peri. It shouldn't be too hard to deal with them if we do see them again. And, hey, we probably won't. Peridot grumbled something about fate and how you shouldn't temp it, before pushing Lapis away and walking back towards the cave entrance.

* * *

Steven walked with Jaser, Lapis and Peri towards the boardwalk. "Remind me again, Steven-" Peridot said, folding her arms. "We're wasting our time coming here?"

"Because!" Steven said, raising a finger. "We did a good job last mission, so I thought we deserved a reward!" Jasper blinked. "But I didn't even come with you on the last mission." Lapis nodded. "And, really, we didn't do much special. The gem came to us, we beat it in a couple seconds, we missed it's parasites. If anything, that's below par."

Steven sighed. "Alright, alright, I've been planning this for a while. I just thought you guys might want a trip toooooo..." Steven raised his arms, stopping in front of a building filled with obnoxiously flashing lights. "THE FUNLAND ARCADE!"

Lapis blinked. "Steven, I come here anyway." "Well, yeah, but-" "And I wouldn't have bothered to come if I know this is what we were wasting our time on." Peridot interjected. "Well, yeah, that was kind of the-" "And don't you need money for this?" Jasper interrupted.

Steven sighed. "Okay, let me talk, please?" The other Crystal gems stood upright, waiting. Steven breathed out, making a 'clearing' motion with his hand, before turning to Lapis. "Yes, but I wanted to bring you all here. Besides, the money's on me." He turned to Peridot. "I understand that, Peri, that's why I did it. I figured that if you actually played some of the games, you'd have fun!" He turned to Jasper. "And, finally, Jasper: Yup!" As he said that, he pulled open his jacket, revealing a large amount of arcade tokens, in four pockets. He gave all three others the contents of one pocket, leaving the last for himself.

He cleared his throat. "Okay! Peridot, you'd probably like Space gunner, Jasper...probably a fighting game, and Lapis-" "Steven, I already know wh-" "-You already know what you like." Lapis blinked. "Well, fair enough." She looked at Jasper. "Hey, follow me, Jasper, you'd probably like Fist Puncher." Jasper nodded, clutching her tokens and following her.

Peridot looked around. "Where is this 'space gunner' you mentioned?" Steven grabbed Peridot's free hand, walking towards it. Peridot cleared her throat, as Steven turned back. He looked to the floating fingers in his hand, and back to Peridot, who hadn't moved an inch. "...It was a nice try, Steven."

Steven walked up to the machine, Peridot walking behind him. "Ta-daaaa!" He said, in front of a flashy arcade machine, with an over-the-top design of a space marine in a ship above it. Peridot walked up to a joystick, fiddling with it to get a feel. "Hm. Okay." She popped out two of her tokens, slotting them in and starting up the game. Steven gave a thumbs-up, walking away. She looked over to a couple of buttons in the middle. "Hey, what are those?" Steven looked over. "Oh, uh, if you have a second player, you can press those buttons to do a duel. It interrupts the game for a bit, but if you win, you get a huge point boost. Then, it dumps you back to the first level." Peridot humphed. "Interesting." Steven watched for a few seconds, as Peridot got a handle on the game. "I...will leave you to that." Peridot nodded, shrugging.

Steven walked up to Lapis and Jasper. "You having fun, guys?"

"No." Jasper said bluntly. Lapis looked over. "Oh, come on, Jasper, you have to be having a liiiittle fun." Jasper grunted, as Steven looked at the 5-0 loss streak at the top. "I'd be having more fun if I could actually hit you, Lapis." Lapis shrugged, giving her a trollish smile. "I can go easy on you, if you want!" Jasper glared at her. "Haha. Let's get this thing to 5-1." Steven shrugged, supposing that was his little check-in done.

* * *

Steven walked up to Peridot, who was fighting against some sort of...crab-shaped asteroid. The first boss. "Oh, still stuck on level one?" Peridot shook her head. "I've beat it three times." Steven furrowed his brow in confusion, looking up at her score. It was definitely more than she should have at this point. "But...it's only been fifteen minutes."

Peridoct scoffed. "It's only three levels, Steven." "...Peridot, there are TEN." Peridot grinned. "Not if you get the warps." Steven watched, as she launched a missile through three of the boss's attacks at once, creating a portal which she flew through. "YOU'VE JUST PORTALLED THROUGH A WARPING ZONE! TIME TO ENTERING THE LEVEL FIVE!" The game exclaimed emphatically on its screen. "I...didn't know there were warps." Peridot shrugged. "I think people only ever found the one from one to three, but there's more."

Steven looked at her strangely. "Peridot, how are you even finding this?" Steven jumped a little as one of Peridot's hands covered his mouth. "Ssh. This is a tricky bit." She said, moving her fingers to have four on the joystick and one on the fire button. She looked over at the second player joystick for a second, before shaking her head.

Steven took the hand off, walking away slowly. As he did so, he realized that the bullets...seemed like Peridot's fingers. He didn't remember that.

* * *

"URGH!" A Jasper-like grunt sounded out. "CAREFUL, CAREFUL!" Lapis said, hurriedly. Steven walked over in confusion, seeing Lapis covering Jasper's hand, which would have struck the arcade machine. Jasper glared at her. "WHY CAN'T I BEAT YOU AT THIS!?" Steven looked up, seeing that the win streak has gone from 5-0 to 12-1. Well...at least Jasper got one, he supposed.

He put a hand on Jasper's bicep. He'd have gone for the shoulder, but, well..."Jasper, it's okay. Lapis has been doing this way more." Lapis nodded. "I mean, you've been playing for thirty minutes, I've been doing it for a couple of years. I've won local tournaments." Jasper grumbled. Lapis looked away. "I guess that wasn't really helpful, was it?" Jasper shook her head.

Steven sighed. "It's okay. You'll do it." Jasper stood back up, rigid. "Yeah. Sure." She took the controls back up.

Steven walked back up to Peridot. He immediately became VERY confused. "Peridot?"

"Yes, Steven?"

"Why does your ship look like you?"

Indeed, on the screen was a rotating sprite of Peridot herself, firing those finger-like projectiles. "I think the better question, Steven, is why ALL ships don't look like me." Steven shook his head. "Wha-no, that's not the better question. Peridot, you're not supposed to modify these games." Peridot scoffed. "Or what? I'll get kicked out?" "Or you'll go to JAIL!"

Peridot waved her free hand. "Please, Steven. Like any jail could hold me." "Peridot, you can't even pick up a telescope." she sighed. "No, that's not-Steven, please, just leave me to this, okay?" Steven looked between the game and her, debating. "...Okay." He said, walking back.

* * *

Steven sat on the pier, looking out. It was a really nice day, he noted. Sunny, calm, and quiet except for the gentle, consistent rumble of the waves underneath him. ...Wait, no, the tide was out. The waves weren't anywhere near him. What the-

Steven jumped, as a small, conical creature bust up out of the pier. Followed by about 20 more. "OoooooHHHH THEY'RE BACK!" He ran back into the arcade, bumping into Jasper, who was walking away angrily from the Punch Puncher machine. "Oh! Hi!" she cleared her throat, standing up and folding her arms, back in her rigid posture. "What is the problem, meat child?"

"THE GEM! THE GEM WE BEAT, THE THINGS IT MADE ARE BACK!" Lapis looked over, eyes wide. She created two wings from her gem, bursting out of the arcade. "YOU STAY AWAY FROM MY ARCADE, YOU STUPID PARASITES!" She yelled, fighting against them. Jasper shrugged, summoning her weapon and walking out as well. "Thanks for the heads up." Steven nodded, running over to Peridot.

"Peri! The parasites!" Steven yelled, panicked. "Whuh?" Peridot said, looking back. "Oh. Alright." She turned back. Steven gave an annoyed hand gesture. "Peridot, come on!" He said, trying to pry her hand off the joystick. "Hey, hey! Watch it! Look, I'll help next time I die, okay!?" Steven sighed. "How many times have you died so far?" Peridot shrugged. "I dunno. Like...zero times." Steven slumped over. He looked up at her score. 9999500. Technically only a few points away from the kill screen, but the game was programmed not to allow the score to go past that score, though he vaguely remembered some glitch that could force it up. "...Fine. I'll...I'll check up on you later." "Sure." Peridot said, nodding.

* * *

Steven ran out, seeing Jasper and Lapis trying to fight against the Parasites. Lapis tried to encase one in water, but it drilled straight through, scoring her arm. She seethed, looking at Jasper, who seemed to have a fair amount of trouble even trying to hit them. "GET DOWN HERE, YOU BRATS!" she yelled, as the parasites seemed to have no intention.

Lapis looked over. "Steven! Where's Peridot!?" Steven looked away sheepishly. "Uh...playing her gam-" "WHAT!?" Lapis screamed, as a parasite flew at Steven, which he barely dodged. "PERIDOT, GET YOUR BUTT OUT HERE!"

"YOU CAN'T CONTROL MY LIFE, LAZULI! YOU CAN HANDLE IT!" Peridot replied from the arcade. Lapis groaned, annoyed. "She always does this when she gets a new toy." She mutters. "You have to get her off of that, Steven." Steven nodded, looking back in. "She said she'd get out next time she died." Lapis cursed under her breath. "She would. Well, you have to find some way to make that happen." Steven nodded, running back in.

* * *

Steven ran up, looking at Peridot. "Hello, again." Peridot said casually. "Peridot, you need to die, or they are!" Peridot scoffed. "Oh, please, Lapis could handle the creature that MADE those. And she's got Jasper. She doesn't need me." Steven groaned. "BUT SHE DOES!" Peridot shrugged. Steven looked at the second-player controls. Well, he figured there was only one way to get her die.

He slotted in his tokens, grabbing the controls. "Oh, are you-okay." Peridot said, nodding. Steven clenched his teeth, getting ready to play.

* * *

About ten minutes later he had two tokens left, and a very decidedly not dead Peridot. "UGGGHHH!" He said, covering his face. "It's okay, Steven, I'm pretty good at this game. It was a good try, though!" Steven held back a glare. Suddenly, his eyes widened. THAT was the glitch.

He put his tokens in, slamming his duel button. Peridot looked over, raising an eyebrow. She smiled. "Well, alright then, if that's how you want to spend your last life." She slammed her own, as the game froze for a second.

"YOU ARE HAVING A CHALLENGER! BEAT THEM WITH ALL YOUR MIGHT!" The game proclaimed, showing the sprite of Peridot's ship and a recolor of the actual game's ship facing each other. Steven clenched his teeth...

And stood there.

Peridot looked at him, strangely. "Are...are you not even going to fight back?" Steven shook his head. "...Well, if that's REALLY how you want to spend your last life, I guess." Peridot said, wailing on him. After about 30 seconds of pure firing, Steven's ship blew up, as a little '500' displayed above the graphic. The score started glitching out. "W-wait, wha?" Peridot said, confused.

"T͡͞I͝M̵E͝͏ ͡T̨͡O ͜E̶N̴҉͠Ţ̀Ȩ̷̕R̴҉I̵Ń̢G̶̴͡ ̶̵̀T̢͠H͏E͏̢ ͞Ļ̸́EV̛́͜E̵L̀ ͠O͏NE̴ " the game glitchily proclaimed. Peridot started panicking as the graphics loaded, garbled and flickering. Her ship began exploding without even moving, sloooowly ticking down her ridiculous amount of lives. Peridot stared, letting her arms down dejectedly.

After a while, the life counter hit zero. "G̷͡A̵̵ME ͏Ǫ̡͠VE͝Ŕ́.̨͞ ̢͏͡KĮ̛̕L͠L̴͘ S̴̷CR̕E̸EN͟͟.̵҉ " The game proclaimed one last time, before popping up the attract screen. Steven stood proud, as Peridot blinked, shaking her head. "...Well." she stood up, clearing her throat. "I might buy one of those to put in my room. So, what was this about drill parasites?"

* * *

Peridot fired at the last parasite, as Jasper stood back and Lapis tried to slow it down enough for Peri to hit it. She clapped her hands together. "There we go! The last remnants of that corrupted gem lay broken at our feet." Lapis nods, sighing. "Now, was that so hard?" Peridot shrugged. "A little. Anyway, you head back to the temple. I'll try to beat my high-score, even if it was just internal." She started walking back into the arcade, before being stopped by a surprisingly intimidating overweight and aging black man. "WHO'S BEEN HACKING MY ARCADE MACHINES!?" He yelled, looking around the gems. Steven pointed towards Peridot, who sighed. "Curse you, karma. Curse you with all my might."


	11. Giant Woman

Peridot looked over the chess board, in deep thought.

Jasper was far better at this game than she'd expected. Not like she was some genius, or anything, and obviously she was FAR worse at it than Peridot herself was. But it was honestly impressive that she'd even lasted this long. Jasper took an ungraceful hand, moving over with a knight to capture Peridot's queen. Peridot moved her bishop to get the knight. Jasper smiled, moving her rook up next to the king. "Checkmate." she said, gruffly.

Peridot blinked. Indeed, her king was trapped. "...Oh. Well. Th-that was just first move advantage!" She said, angrily. Jasper smirked. "Yuh-huh. And you're so good at that arcade game because of beginner's luck. Look, Peridot, I'm just a natural." Peridot groaned. "The only thing you're a NATURAL at is being insufferable!" Jasper rolled her eyes. "Why do you keep trying to pretend you don't like us?" Peridot growled, turning away. "Whatever!" She said, kicking up the sand, blasting it into the back of Steven's head. "ST-STEVEN!" She said, running up. "I'm sorry, I didn't see you there! Are you alright?" Steven looked back, confused. "Uh, yeah. Are you two okay?" Jasper shrugged. "Eh. Peridot is a sore loser."

"I AM NOT!" She said, indignantly. Jasper smirked. "Please. When you lose, you start sounding like Bloodstone." Peridot rolled her eyes. "Bloodstone is a psychotic fusion, Jasper. That's different from kicking sand in frustration." Jasper shrugged again. "I said sound, not act." Peridot waved a hand, as Steven looked confused. "Wait, wait, what? Go back a bit. Who's Bloodstone?"

"Our fusion." Jasper said, motioning to Peridot. Peri nodded. "Indeed." Steven furrowed his brow. "Fusion?"

Peridot and Jasper looked at each other. "I could SWEAR we told him" "Did we ask Lapis?" "Maybe we did and he forgot" "No, no, I'm pretty sure-" Steven put a hand on both of their chests. "C'mon. Tell me what it issss!"

Peridot sighed, opening her screen. "During a time of intense emotion, two gems can form into one." Jasper + Lapis = ...some weird, many-armed thing Peridot had labelled as 'Malachite'. "This is done through an intricate series of actions and reactions knows as a 'fusion dance'." Jasper rolled her eyes. "You flail around a lot until you start glowing." Peridot sighed. "Thank you. For your input. Jasper."

"Anyway, these fusions are a mix of the physical and mental attributes of the two gems fused. For example, if you were to fuse with me..." Peridot changed her display, making it Steven + Peridot = ? "The resulting fusion would likely be fairly short, rather smart, and focused. Gem's weapons also fuse, which means it would...be..."

Peridot cleared her throat, changing the diagram to Steven and Jasper. "So, if you and Jasper were to fuse, you'd likely get a shielding helmet, perhaps covered in flora." she displayed a sort of artists rendition, which...essentially just looked like Steven's shield stapled onto Jasper's helmet. "Er, with more...elegance of design than that, likely. I know function, not so much form." she closes the screen. "so, is that satisfactory?"

Steven sat there, stars in his eyes. "I WANNA SEE HER!" Peridot shook her head. "No, Steven, fusion isn't some trifle to be used to entertain 13 year old children." Steven groaned. "But why not!?"

"It's a serious emotional bond, with potentially dangerous results. Especially when it comes to Bloodstone. Look, Steven, I'm sure that you'll get to see a fusion eventually. There's absolutely no need to rush it." Steven sighed. "Alright..." He said, walking dejectedly back into the temple. Jasper and Peridot both looked at each other again, following him.

* * *

Eventually, Lapis warped in, smiling. "Honeys, I'm home!" she said, hopping off the warp pad. Steven jumped up, running over. "Hi, Lapis! How'd the mission go?" Lapis smiled. "Pretty good! I'm FAIRLY certain I know where the beetles are." Peridot walked up. "Wonderful! So, where do we go first?"

"Well, er...the thing is, while I did originally plan for us all to go at once...the earth beetle managed to get stranded in the ocean. And, well..." She spread her arms. "I'm probably gonna be fine on my own there, you know?" Jasper looked over. "So, where's the heaven beetle at?"

Lapis sighed. "The sky spire." she grumbled. Peridot held back a snicker. "Oh. Well then." Lapis shook her head. "Yeah, uh, feel free to trash the place up while you're there. Anyway, so, I'll go after the earth bettle, you three-" she points between Jasper, Peridot and Steven. "Go for the heaven beetle. Have fun!" She says, walking back on the warp pad.

Lapis disappeared in a flash of light, leaving Peridot, Jasper and Steven alone. "Oh. Us _three_." Peridot said, grumbling. She sighed. "Well, chop chop, Jasper." Steven hopped up, standing next to Peridot, and Jasper eventually lumbered her way up. Peridot activated the warp pad. "So, wait, how big exactly is Blo-"

* * *

"-And, like, what happens if you eat? Does the food go half into your stomach, and half into Jasper's?"

"Steven." Peridot said, groaning. "Please. We're not going to form Bloodstone. Not unless you're in danger, or something." Steven put a hand on his chin. "Don't even think about it." Jasper said, looking at him as she walked off the pad. Steven made a disappointed sound, following her, Peridot taking up the rear.

Steven walked up a flight of stairs, seeing Jasper staring at some sort of goat at the top. He gasped. "Oh no! It's a magical goat guardian! C'mon, you guys have to form Bloodstone to defeat it!" Jasper looked back at Steven, unamused. She picked up the goat, tossing it off the side of the mountain. "JASPER!" Peridot snapped, running up. "We're supposed to be protecting the life of this planet! _Not throwing it off of cliffs!_ "

Jasper shrugged. "We kinda do half-and-half anyway." Steven just looked over the edge, eyes wide. Jasper walked up, tapping him on the shoulder. He looked back, jumping. "Err, are you okay?" Jasper said, worriedly. Steven blinked, standing up and nodding. "Uh...yeah. Yeah. I'm fine." Jasper nodded, moving forward.

* * *

The three of them came up upon a series of floating platforms. Jasper hummed, jumping onto the first one, causing it to sink a bit, before rising. "Hm. This won't hold all three of us. Or...probably even two of us." She jumped back, as the stone returned to it's original position. "Ooh, ooh!" Steven said, excitedly. "Maybe if you make Bloodstone-"

"She'd make the problem exponentially worse?" Peridot said, raising an eyebrow. "She weighs more than the both of us combined." She grabbed Steven's arms with one hand, rising into the sky with the other. "You can jump, Jasper." Steven sighed, as Peridot carried him safely over to the other side. Jasper got on all fours, practically pouncing across the stones. She suddenly stopped, as one, more crumbly stone started to give way from under her. "...well. That didn't work out very well." The stone split in two, dropping her.

"Jasper!" Peridot yelled, jumping down after her. Steven ran over, watching as Peridot managed to grab at Jasper's arms, grunting as she tried to keep in the air, sloowly rising. Steven jumped back when he heard something crunch into the stone under him, walking back as it began to get closer and closer.

Jasper grunted, lifting herself up onto the cliff, as Peridot landed next to her, bending over and breathing heavily. "...Hoo. Right. That didn't work very well." Jasper grunted again in response, making a lumbering attempt at rising up, eventually managing to return to her usual, rigid, folded-arm stance. She silently started walking again, as Steven followed.

* * *

After a long, LONG bit of walking, Steven collapsed at the top of the stairs, inside a large dome. Peridot looked around, running her hand along the walls. "Hm. That's odd, there doesn't seem to be much dust in here." she mutters. Jasper shrugged, walking further. "Whatever." Peridot glared at her. "Jasper, come on, that means that something has BEEN here." Jasper waved a hand. "Unless it crushed the beetle, what do we care?" Peridot sighed, walking after her, as Steven pathetically outstretched a hand, near her leg. Peridot looked back, rolling her eyes. "I'm only doing this because I love you, Steven." she said, picking him up and awkwardly carrying him in the grooves of his arms.

Peridot approached Jasper, kneeling and looking into a miniature temple. "Oh, diamonds. Is it not in there?" Jasper shook her head, standing up. "Nope. Totally empty." Peridot made a scratchy throat noise, looking around. "Okay-"

* * *

She was sure she heard the green intruder say something about looking. She didn't care. This was her nest. Not theirs. Hershershershershershershershershers

She had to protect them intruders had to keep them safe intruders so hungry food food food food FOOD FOOD FOOD FOOD "FOOD!"

* * *

Peridot jumped as she heard a screech from below, as a large bird burst out of the ground, shattering the mini-temple, taking Jasper up with it. "Oh. Hm. Hi there." She said, nonchalantly, punching it in the face. The creature bucked it's head, causing Jasper to fall back onto the ground. The corrupted gem's head whirled, focusing on Steven. "Oooh, no!" Peridot said, in a defensive stance. "I am NOT LETTING YOU-" The creature evidently cared little for what Peridot was and wasn't going to let it do, as it scooped up Steven and swallowed him whole.

Steven woke up someplace warm. Not comfortingly warm. More...oppressively so. He blinked, looking around. All around him, bubbled gems. Some seemed oddly familiar, though he couldn't quite put his finger on why. He gasped, as his eyes rested on one bubble. "The heaven beetle!" He said, running over and plucking it off of the wall. "Wait, woah-oh-ohOHHH!" He said, as the bird began to shake. Suddenly, a green arm burst through the floor, covered in...oh god, he hoped not what it looked like. "LET HIM GO!" A psychotic voice yelled, as another arm burst up, and the bird started to...dissolve under Steven. "WH-WHO ARE YOU!?" Steven yelled, worriedly. The voice growled. "I'LL EXPLAIN LATER!" One hand grabbed Steven, pulling him out and onto the ground.

He looked up, seeing a huge gem towering over him, her four eyes trained on the bird. Steven looked over her rather muscular, dark green body, covered in red splotches which he reeeeally hoped was just coloration. "Uh...Bloodstone-?" She put one hand over his mouth. "Sh. It's time to watch the fireworks!~" the bird shattered into shards...which then formed into smaller birds.

Bloodstone grinned sadistically, cracking her knuckles. "COME AT ME, YA BI-wait no Steven's here, uhh..." She yelped as one of them dived at her. "SCREW IT!" She started throwing flurries of punches around, managing to hit quite a few of the small birds, as they dropped gem shards onto the ground below. Steven picked one up, inspecting it, as Bloodstone continued her assault.

After a few seconds, Bloodstone sighed, smiling. "Ahhh, man, fighting is great." Steven, meanwhile, started gathering up the shards. She looked down at him. "Uh, what are you doing?" "...collecting the corrupted gem? You always told me to do that." Bloodstone blinked. "OH! RIGHT!" She said, facepalming. "Ah, crap, I just crushed, like, a third of those!" Steven frowned, going around and picking up the rest. Eventually, he handed what remained of the gem shards to Bloodstone, who put them in a dark green, red splotch-y bubble and sent them away.

Steven looked away awkwardly. "So...uh..." Bloodstone sighed. "Ask away, kiddo." Steven smiled.

"Are you Bloodstone? What's fusion like? Do you remember everything Peridot and Jasper do? Is that actual blood? Will the gem be okay? Why don't you do this more often?"

"Yup. Pretty much indescribable. Most of it, but I can look for the stuff I don't. Nah, this is just coloration." she pointed to a slightly brighter colored red splotch. "This is blood, though! That's a long story. Anyway, dunno, and because Peridot and Jasper are lame and think I'm dangerous or something. Pfft. Whatever." She scooped Steven up with one arm. "Anyway, let's go bring this thing back to the temple." "Yeah!" Steven said, holding the beetle triumphantly.

* * *

Lapis paused her show, as she heard the warp pad activated. "Heyooooohhhhhhhhhhhkay then." She said, surprised at seeing Bloodstone. "Heya, maggot!" Bloodstone said enthusiastically, sliding Steven down. "I got the beetle!" Steven said, excitedly.

Lapis got a beetle cage from the shelf, motioning for Steven to put it in. "That's great!" She said, smiling. "Uh...how'd you get those two to fuse?" "I got eaten!" Lapis blinked. "...You know what? I don't wanna know." She said, bubbling the cage and teleporting it back to the storage room. She looked up at Bloodstone. "Anyway, uh...hi. There." Bloodstone waved, smiling psychotically. Lapis laughed awkwardly. "Uh...how long are you planning on...staying...here?" Bloodstone rolled her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, I know when I'm not wanted. Whimp." She started glowing, releasing Peridot and Jasper onto the floor, Jasper notably more gracefully than Peridot.

Peridot brushed off her arms and legs, sighing. "God, I hate her." Jasper shrugged. "I think she's alright." Peridot groaned. "You would." She said, stalking off into her room.

Lapis sighed, watching her go. "Man...how did we even stand each other long enough to make this group?"


	12. Lars And The Cool Kids

Steven hopped around some rocks in the lake, making small noises of effort. Peridot sighed. "This doesn't look good."

Steven looked around the moss-covered lake, as the plant slowly crept around. "I don't know what you mean! This stuff is cool!" He said, reaching for a bit floating in the water. "STEVEN, NO!" He heard the others yell, as a bubble of water formed around him and brought him up to Lapis. "...Steven's here." He said, muffled by the water around him. Lapis sighed, letting the bubble go. "Hey, what's wrong with that stuff? It's just moss?"

Peridot pinched the bridge of her nose. "No, it is not 'just moss', Steven." She pointed, as Steven looked back to see some poor duck getting dragged into the depths. "This is a living...well, parasite, quite frankly. Eating everything in sight. Living, dead, if it's organic it wants it. And unfortunately, that includes you." She said, looking down at him. "Er, not that...I'm not saying it's unfortunate that you're organic, just that-"

Jasper cleared her throat, interrupting her. "Rose Quartz planted this stuff at the top of the hill, and would tend to it once a year. But after she decided to be you-" Jasper tapped Steven's gem gently. "-the stuff started growing out of control. Lapis said that we didn't need to worry about it." she sniffed. "We did."

Lapis rolled her eyes. "Look, it's not like I knew this was going to happen. Urgh, whatever, it doesn't matter. We need to stop any humans from coming in here and getting themselves ate." Peridot groaned. "Yeah, yeah..." Lapis said, rolling her eyes.

Steven walked up to the ledge. "Ooh, maybe you could suffocate it, Lapis?" She thought. "...I could. But...Rose went about cultivating this stuff every spring, she wouldn't want us to kill it." Steven nodded, putting a finger on his chin. Peridot walked up. "Look, all that matters is that no humans come here, right? So we don't need to move the moss, or kill the moss, or do anything to the moss. We just need to block the entrance." Lapis raised an eyebrow. "And how do you propose we do that?"

* * *

Peridot grunted, as she put down the wooden barricade. Jasper, meanwhile, walked up behind her, placing the rest. Peridot stood up, wiping the sweat from her visor. "It's perfect! All humans instinctively know that yellow and black barricades mean restricted areas! There's absolutely NO way they'd come in!" Lapis nodded, suspicious. "I...guess it might work."

"Look, Lapis, I know you know humans better than any of us, but-" "Heey." Steven said, sadly. Peridot cleared her throat. "Sorry, you know humans better than any of us who aren't half one, but trust me about this. I've done extensive research on human blockages, and any human older than three understands that this is a no-go zone."

Steven clapped. "Welp! Job well done! Anyone up for food?" Peridot folded her arms, awkwardly. Jasper shrugged. Lapis shook her head. "No thanks, Steven, I already ate before we got here." Steven nodded, looking a little disappointed. "Well...alright! See you guys back at the temple!" He said, walking off.

* * *

Lars leaned against the wall, his heart pounding. Oh god, was that showing? He really really hoped that wasn't showing. "Laaaars!" A nasally voice exclaimed. Oh, yeah, it was definitely showing now. He put his hands over his eyes, taking a deep breath in. "Why now?" He muttered. "Got a high-five for ya!" Steven said, walking up with his arm up in the air. "No Steven!" Lars hissed. "No high-fives!" Steven looked confused, but apparently acquiesced (was that the right way to use that word? He thought so). "Okay." Steven said, putting a hand on Lars' chest. Lars batted it away. This was going to freaking RUIN his chances! Steven just laughed that nasally, obnoxious, infectious laugh. "Sooo...whatcha doin'?" He asked, leaning against the wall next to him. Lars scooted a bit away. "Just...relaxing."

"Shouldn't you be at the big donut?" Lars rolled his eyes. "I don't spend my whole life at work. I do...other things." "Like...standing against this wall?" "What does it look like!?" Lars said, exasperated. C'mon, c'mon, just go awaaaay...

Steven looked deep in thought. "It looks to me like you're doing a whole lotta nothin'!" Lars nodded. Hopefully that was enough. "That's the plan, Steve-n." Heh, he was so clever. "Just playin' it cool today, ya know?"

Steven grinned. Crap. He wasn't leaving yet. "We...are so much alike." "...excuse me?" "You wanna get a fresh pizza, right out of the oven, right? But you don't wanna seem too desperate! Well, there's no reason to be ashamed. Just walk right in and ask!" Man, sometimes Lars worried about this kid. "That's what I always do!" Steven said, walking towards the door.

Lars' eyes widened, and he pushed off the wall. "Steven! Don't go in there right now!" He whispered worriedly, glancing around. After a second, he backed up. "Isn't that Kiki and her friends?" Lars made a throaty noise. "They're Vidalia and Bill." Steven tilted his heads. "You know those guys?"

"W-well, no, but I'm _sure_ we'll hang at some point." He said, slinging a jacket over his shoulder. "You should go in and talk to them!" Steven said, voice dripping with naivete

Man, did this kid not know _anything_ about socializing?

Lars fumbled for his words. "That's not how things work, Steven! The plan is to keep it cool, and let them come to me." He said, leaning back on the wall and closing his eyes. "Here they come." Steven said, after the door rang as it opened. Lars jumped. "Steven turn around act natural!" He said hurriedly, trying to do the same.

Lars vaguely heard Kiki say something, followed by footsteps. "Oh, I don't think they saw you." Lars groaned. "Steven, you were blocking me with...with your big hair!" He said, pointing a finger at him. Steven gave him a confused look. "Well, I'll go tell them to look over here!" He said, walking off. "Steven, no!" Lars said, fumbling for the collar of his shirt, missing. Damn Steven's surprisingly fast walking speed. "Don't go over there- _I hate you_!"

Lars put his hands on his face. Of course. His one big chance, and _somebody_ just had to walk in and ruin it. "Aagh, he's gonna wreck _everything_!" He muttered, his hand over his mouth. He vaguely heard them talking, but he definitely couldn't make anything out. He thought he heard Steven saying his name, but he wasn't sure.

After a few seconds, Lars felt a hand on his back. He jumped, whirling around. "Hey, Lars!" He regained his composure, snapping. "Yooo." uuuuuughhewassoscrewed

"They invited us along for a ride!" "Huh? Waitaminute-they-you-STEVEN, YOU GOT LUCKY!" He said, storming off towards them. "So don't ruin this with any of your _lame schtick_!" He heard Steven walk behind him. "Aww, but I like my schtick!" "Well-deal with it!" Lars said, walking up.

He came up, seeing a leather jacketed girl climbing into the back of a car. "Yo. I guess you're Lars?" She said, climbing in. Steven hopped into the back as well. "Middle seat!" He said, enthusiastically. Lars chuckled awkwardly. "Uh...yeah. Yup." She nodded. "Cool. I'm Vidalia. The girl in the front is Kiki." She waved. "Heya, Lars." He waved back at her awkwardly.

"The nerd in the driver's seat is the mayor's kid." Vidalia said, gaining a groan. A bespectacled teenager leaned over the side of his seat. "This 'nerd' is the only one in this group that knows how to drive a stick-shift, so show some respect!" Vidalia snickered. "I'm just joking, Bill." He looked rather unsatisfied, but turned back, flipping on the car. Vidalia looked over. "Hey, where'd ya get that shirt, kid?" Steven looked down, blinking. "I...think it was from my dad?"

Vidalia snickered again. "Hey, if your dad has that good a fashion sense, nothing wrong with that." Lars grumbled. "What about _my_ shirt?" Vidalia looked over, shrugging. "It looks like you bought it at a thrift store." Lars narrowed his eyes, folding his arms and looking away. "I mean, a pretty good thrift store, but still." Lars waved dismissively.

"Vidalia, be nice." Kiki said. "Don't run off another one." Vidalia sighed. "Right. Right. Sorry." Bill cleared his throat. "Anyway, turn on some music if you want. Whatever." Kiki flipped the radio on, blaring heavy metal out of the speakers, as Bill fumbled to turn the volume off. Everybody stared at him, mouths wide. "...Let's not do that." He said, popping the CD out.

* * *

Steven rode along, looking between Lars and Vidalia. "Uh...hey...Does anybody want to get lunch?" He said, looking out. "I meant to get some, but Lars kinda distracted me." Bill looked up at Steven through the rear-view mirror. "We just ate, but if there's someplace quick, we can stop." "Not like there's anything good in this dump of a town." Vidalia, said, shaking her head. Kiki glared at her.

"...I was being figurative, hun. Chill." Kiki rolled her eyes, looking back. Steven folded his arms. "There's the fry shop, too. And the big doughnut." Vidalia snickered. "Really? That place? Their donuts taste like cardboard, and they've got the texture too." "Heey!" Lars said indignantly. "I run that place!"

Vidalia blinked. "Oh. Uh...oh. Sorry. I didn't..." She cleared her throat. "Didn't know that was the case." She said, awkwardly and croakily. Lars blinked. "Don't let her get to you, dude." Bill said, looking back at him. "She says pretty much whatever to sound cool and rebellious, as long as she doesn't think anybody else is gonna disagree." Vidalia scoffed. "No I don't!"

"Whatever." Bill said, looking forward. "Oh, god..." he muttered, slowing down.

"I, Buck R. Dewey, implore you re-elect me in this coming mayoral election. Not for my benefit, but for yours." Bill groaned. "I, Buck R. Dewey, implore you don't bother thinking about my vague campaign speeches, and just vote for me because you did last time."

"Not a fan of your dad, huh, Bill?" Kiki said, looking at him sympathetically. "No. Not really." he said, speeding back up. "Let's just hope he doesn't notice me."

"I have a great respect for the community, it's adults, and it's children! Why, I even have a child of my own!" he said, motioning towards Bill's car. Bill ducked, grumbling, though when he looked out it seemed like it was more a random hand motion than an actual acknowledgment of him being there. He sped up further, getting past the little congregation and sighing. "So. Anyway. Any of you have some idea where to go?"

"Uh...I'm still kinda hun-" Steven started. "Ooh, ooh!" Vidalia interrupted. "Let's check out dead man's mouth!" Kiki looked back at her. "Really? You wanna go there?" Vidalia snickered. "You chicken, Pizza?" Kiki snorted. "No. I'm _fish stew_ Pizza. Hit it, Bill." He rolled his eyes, shifting the gear.

"So, what's this 'dead man's mouth'?" Steven asked, looking up at Vidalia. She chuckled. "So, there's this big cliff, right? Legend has it...some dude...jumped in a lake and died or something. And now he's a ghost." Steven raised an eyebrow. "Look, it's been a bit, the legend is a lot cooler."

"We're here." Bill said, hitting the brake and walking out. Vidalia raised a foot to kick the door open, getting a glare from Bill. "Vidalia. Don't. Break. My car." "Right, right, sorry." she muttered, opening the door like a regular person. Steven shuffled out after her, his eyes widening.

"Uhh, guys? Maybe this isn't a good idea?" He said, looking around the moss-covered lake. "Ooooh, is the kid a chicken too?" Vidalia said, smirking down at him. "Vidalia, come on." Kiki said, shaking her head. Vidalia sighed. "Yeah, yeah." She said, walking back up to them. Bill stood in front of a yellow and black barricade, thinking. "Awww, man!" Steven said, chuckling awkwardly. "I guess we can't go in there! Isn't that just the wowhere are you going" he said, as Vidalia walked up.

"ANARCHY IN THE USA!" she yelled, kicking over the barricade. "WOOOO!" She ran around, knocking over the rest. Steven chuckled. "Yeah. Anarchy. Woooo..." He said, awkwardly following as the rest walked into the lake.

Vidalia and Kiki stood on a high-ground, as Bill stayed back, trying to clean up their mess. Lars walked up to the other two, who looked down. "Man, that moss stuff is grody." Kiki said, sounding uncomfortable. "Heh. Yeah. It's pretty cool, huh?"

Lars chuckled. "Yeah, look at it. So cool." Vidalia looked back. "Hey. Newbie." "Lars." "Lars. Give you ten bucks if you jump in there." Steven ran up. "WAITWAITWAIT-" Lars smiled at her, walking over to the edge. "Deal." off he went, as Steven watched, mouth agape. "HAH! I LIKE THIS KID!" Vidalia said, as he jumped off. "LARS! LARS! LARS!"

Lars resurfaced, laughing. "Aw, that was awesome! C'mon, you gotta come down here too!" Vidalia looked down, at her clothing. "Ahh, I got plenty." She laughed wildly, jumping down after him, disappearing under the water.

She didn't come up right away. Lars chuckled awkwardly. "Uh, h-hey, Vidalia, quit playing. Come on back u-" Vidalia burst out of the water, gasping for air. "OH GOD IT WASN'T AS COOL AS I THOUGHT!" "WHAT!?" Lars yelled, as the moss started creeping up on his back. Steven cringed, panicing. "What the-GUYS, I'LL GET YOU!" Kiki said, running down. "Wait, no!" Steven said, reaching out for her. Kiki jumped in the water, pulling at them, as the moss crept around her arms as well. "...This was cooler in my head, when it worked." she said, making a rather undignified screaming sound as the moss pulled her into the water as well. Steven panicked, running down.

Bill patted his hands together. "There. Thus fixes today's little Vidalia rampage." He says, sounding proud of himself. "BILL! BILL! HELP!" he heard Steven yell. "What, did Vidalia try to break the cliff faaa..." He faltered, as he noticed the moss-covered teenagers flailing in the water. "Oh boy." He ran up, as Steven stopped him from going in the water. "...Right. Right. That was a bad idea." Bill sighed. "Okay. What are we doing?"

* * *

Bill grunted, trying to pull out Vidalia, as Steven did his best to keep the moss off of him. "Jesus, Dali, have you heard of a freaking-urgh-salad!?"

Vidalia managed to make some grunt from underneath the moss that, somehow, Steven could tell was really, really vulgar. Bill dumped Vidalia in the back seat, against two other moss-covered forms, who had evidently already lost consciousness. Steven and Bill managed to get into the front, as Bill took a deep breath. "Okay, so, uh, what exactly are we doing here?"

"Mom used to take this stuff to the top of the hill. So maybe, if we do that, it's going to...I...I don't know, but it'll probably work out!"

Bill eyed the stick, looking over at Steven skeptically. "Oh...kay." She fired up the engine. "But if we die, tell your mom that she should have left some instructions on how to take care of it." Steven looked away awkwardly. "Yeah, uh...will do."

The car sped off, towards the top of the hill, as Bill slouched as far forward as he could to avoid the moss. "Don't you know any way to keep this stuff from getting on you?"

"Not really." Steven says, similarly slouched. "I only learned about it today." Bill grumbled, continuing on.

"Hey, Bill?"

"Yeah, Steven?"

"Are we slowing down?"

Bill looked out. "Awww, Ocean town."

"What? What's wrong? And why is that a cur-" "The moss is on the wheels." Steven opened his mouth as if to speak. "Oh." The car screeched to a halt, as Steven felt the moss creep up on his arm. "Wuh-woah!" He said, waving it awkwardly. Bill started yelling as his wheels seized. "Okay! We gotta push!" Steven looked at him worriedly. "Are you sure we can!?" Bill looked out the window, at the few feet left to go. "I-I-I don't know! But if we don't try, then we're going to die warm and alone in a car filled with moss, so let's at least give it a go!"

Steven popped out, grunting and pulling his hand free from the moss. Leaving him with a thick coating around his arm. "...Uh-oh." He ran over to the other side of the car, putting his hand against the back. Bill jumped as he put his hand there. "WAIT WAIT NO-okay no you already did it."

The moss started spreading across the back, as Bill shifted away from it. "We'll live. We'll-urgh- _live_!" He said, pushing. Steven nodded, doing so as well.

The car sloooowly crept up the hill. Steven looked at Bill, whose arms and legs were starting to get covered. "I-I don't think we'll mammphmm!" Steven's eyes widened as his mouth was covered. He saw Bill look over worriedly, before Steven had to close his eyes to keep the moss out. He kept pushing.

He was sure they'd manage it.

They had to.

Right?

And then everything went dark.

* * *

Steven's eyes fluttered open at the feeling of something cold on his face.

Lapis stood over him, looking intense. "L-Lapis?" He said, blinking blearily. "You really should have tried to stop them, Steven." Steven looked away. "I-I know. I tried, but they didn't-" "DIDN'T YOU SEE THE BARRICADES!?" Steven looked over, seeing Peridot berating the four teenagers as Jasper stood menacingly behind her.

"We-we did!" Vidalia said, worriedly. "But I, uh-" "She kicked them over." Kiki said folding her arms. "It was her fault."

Peridot pinched the bridge of her nose. "And did it occur to any of you to mention that maybe, just _maybe_ , those barricades were put there FOR A REASON!?" They flinched, shaking their head. "W-well, Steven did." Lars said, rubbing his arm awkwardly.

Steven blinked again, looking around. The sun had finally broken the cloud cover, and the van was only about halfway up the hill, with the people themselves up at the top. "Wh...what happened?"

"We came out to find you. You usually don't take this long with lunch. We found you all up here and could pretty easily see that you'd done something stupid." Steven nodded. "A-and the moss?"

"Dead. I suffocated it." "I thought you didn't want to-" "That moss could have stayed if it had minded it's own business. But I will not let it hurt you." Steven paused, before nodding awkwardly. "Uh...I...can I pass out again?" He asked tentatively.

Lapis' expression softened, returning at least partially to her normal cheery mood. "Knock yourself out." She said, jokingly. Steven couldn't help but smile back, before letting himself fall back to sleep.


	13. Steven The Tech Wizard

Just a heads up: canon which has come out after I started and made plans for this fic has proven contradictory to said plans. Despite this, I'm going to continue this as originally planned. I just want you to know, so that you guys aren't thinking 'But Peridot doesn't work like this!', or 'That's not really what Jasper is like in any way!'. Anyway, on with the show.

* * *

Steven sat with Peridot, Lapis and Jasper, the warm glow of a television reflecting off their faces.

"KAPTAIN!" A german voice exclaimed. "Zhe hyper drive annihilator is goink critical! Iff ve do not ztop it, ve vil be ztranded in zpace!"

Steven gasped, slapping his arms on his cheeks gently. Lapis looked down at him, currently holding him in her arms. "Steven, you've seen this a thousand times. How are you still surprised?" He looked up. "Why do you still laugh at Midday Trials?" Lapis opened her mouth to reply, before closing it, thinking.

"I've got it!" Another man said, heroically. "Reverse the polarity of the tachyon projectors!" Peridot groaned audibly, as Steven and Lapis looked over. "Peridot?" Steven asked. "What's wrong?"

"What's wrong?" She replied, looking over to them. "What's _wrong_!? I've never heard a bigger batch of pseudo-scientific _nonsense_ in my life! Even when Jasper tries to sound smart, she gets it better than this-this-this _DRIVEL_!"

Jasper smirked, silently leaning back, as Steven frowned. "What's wrong with it...?" "Well, _first_ of all, the term 'hyper drive annihilator makes NO SENSE! And that's ignoring the fact that, unless for some reason it's nuclear powered, it can't 'go critical', unless in the future people totally forget what that term actually means! And those _weapons_! The energy required to fire a laser out of a handheld pistol wouldn't be able to generate with a tiny little power source like that!"

Steven frowned. "I dunno. It seems cool to me." Peridot scoffed, smiling. "Well, I appreciate that. But this made up idiocy absolutely _pales_ in comparison to gem tech!" She closed her eyes, making a semi-triumphant fist with her fingers. "I could destroy that ship with a wave of my hand. Well, barring any plot conveniences or narrative blockages, anyway." She said, her cocky tone fading a bit as she spoke.

Steven perked up, patting Lapis' arms. She let him go, chuckling. Steven ran over. "Do you have any of that stuff?"

Peridot blinked. "Well, yes, of course. I have plenty of gem technology in my room. Why?" Steven smiled. "Learning time?"

Peridot paused, before returning his smile. She stood up, looking proud. "Yes. Yes, I think so."

* * *

Peridot paced around a cloudy area, Holding a golden, metallic object. Steven, Jasper and Lapis sat on some seats best described as bleachers. "So!" Peridot said, standing at attention. "This, Steven, is a destabilizer. It is a highly dangerous weapon to gems like us." she pressed something on the device, as a spark appeared between the tines. "This energy can nearly instantly destroy a gem's physical form." she smashed the front of it into her hand, causing Jasper and Lapis to flinch. "...I wouldn't suggest doing that yourself." She said, looking at Steven. "I don't know how exactly you'll react to these."

Peridot shut it off, motioning for Steven to come over, which he did happily. Peridot handed him the destabilizer. "Press in the bump at the base to turn it on." He did so, ooing.

"It feels kinda...tingly." Steven said, waving it around. "Woah, woah, careful!" Peridot said, snatching it from him. "Look, Steven, these things are dangerous! Sure, if you were around humans you'd be fine, but around gems like us, we-URGH!" Peridot blinked, looking down, noticing she'd thumped the destabilizer on her chest. "...Oh. I thought I turned that off." she said, her voice glitching a bit as yellow lines started spreading around her body. Steven backed up, eyes wide.

"PERIDOT!" Lapis and Jasper yelled, shooting up. Lapis ran over, taking the destabilizer and turning it off, as Jasper...tried to squeeze Peridot to keep her from destabilizing. "Ow. Ow. That hurts." Peridot said, trying to push Jasper off. Only for her arm to drop off. "...Oh. Oops."

Steven backed up, eyes wide, as Peridot smiled weakly. "...H-hey, don't worry about it! I'll be b-" She disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving behind nothing but her arms and legs, along with a small green gem. Steven walked over, eyes wide, grabbing them.

Lapis looked at Jasper. "He does know about regeneration, right?" Jasper muttered. Lapis shrugged. "I think so?" With that, they decided to let Steven stay where he was.

* * *

Steven sat in the living room, watching Peridot's gem, holding her limbs tight. He didn't understand, he remembered Lapis getting poofed at some point, but...that only lasted a few hours, he thought? Peri was taking weeks. He looked over at the warp pad, seeing Jasper and Lapis warp in. "Look, Jasper, all I'm saying is-oh, hi Steven!" Lapis said, smiling. Jasper grunted, waving. She looked at the dormant gem on a pillow, seeming confused. "What in the world is taking her so long?" Steven shook his head. "I-I don't know. Maybe she's just...working hard? On something?" Lapis walked up, thinking. "I mean, we can alter our forms, but...well..." "She...doesn't have much going, there." Jasper said, shaking her head.

Steven sighed, dropping the limbs on the ground, making a CLANK sound, punctuated with the tinkling of the fingers. Lapis sat next to him, gently scratching his head. "It's okay, Steven. She'll be back." He looked down. "So...what are those?"

Lapis thought. "Er, she called them 'limb extenders'. I'm not actually sure how they work." Steven looked at them, thinking. "I dunno...maybe..." he stood up, lifting a leg.

"Steven? What are you doing?" Lapis asked, tilting her head. "I wanna...try something." Steven said, trying to slip the robotic limb on.

"That's the wrong foot." Jasper said, slipping it off and putting it on the other one. "Oh, thaaaaaawoah." Steven said, waving the extended limb around awkwardly. Jasper slipped the other one on, as Steven stood up, getting used to the feeling. He laughed. "Hey, Lapis! I'm as tall as you!" Lapis stood up, putting her hand to her forehead and moving it towards Steven's. It hovered a couple of inches above him.

They stared at each other somewhat awkwardly for a couple seconds. Steven cleared his throat and looked over, seeing Jasper hold up Peridot's arm extenders. Steven shrugged, putting his arm out.

"Steven, I don't know if you should be doing this. I mean, these are...important to her." Lapis said, as Steven shuddered a bit as the arm connected.

"Don't worry, Lapis." Jasper said, putting the last one on. "He's not going to break them or anything." Steven flexed the hands awkwardly, trying to get a feel for them. He walked around, slowly getting a handle on it. "Man, this is weird. It makes me feel like...I'm floating." Steven said, tapping the little spikes that passed for toes on the floor.

"Yeah..." Lapis said, sighing. "They weren't really made for people with...working limbs." Steven looked at her, confused. "What do you me-" he jumped, as there was a rather loud noise outside.

"Hmm." Jasper said, looking outside. "Well, this is gonna be interesting." "What's going on!?" Steven asked, confused.

"Oh. The temple is being assaulted by another corrupted gem."

Lapis cursed under her breath, running out. Jasper left after her. "Come if you want. Whatever." Steven scrambled, tripping a bit in the limb extenders, but managed to make his way out.

* * *

Steven jumped over the railing of the landing outside the house, trying to use the hands to helicopter and slow his descent. To...poor effect. "Oh, you came out." Jasper said nonchalantly, striking at some brown, hedgehog-esque creature covered in needles. It made a strange, snake-like hiss, and curled up, managing to gain enough momentum to roll into Jasper. A water fist from Lapis flew into it, ripping off a few of it's needles, to little help, as they almost immediately grew back.

The creature whirled to Steven, rolling up and launching towards him. Steven made a rather undignified noise of terror, scrambling out of the way. "Hey! Bad!" Jasper yelled, slamming the end of her helmet into the creature's back. It roared, spinning again and shoving the spikes on it's front end into Jasper.

Jasper grunted, bringing her fist down on it, revealing a slight bump of a head. "STEVEN!" she said, turning the creature towards him. It struggled against her grasp, making various sounds of distress, none of them really sounding like they'd come from the same animal. Steven fumbled with the hands. "O-okay, so this finger goes here, and this one goes...here...uhm..." he muttered to himself.

The creature lurched, dragging Jasper with it. She grunted, holding it down more firmly. "TICK TOCK!" she said, shooting him a glance. "Just give me a second!" Steven replied, managing to form the gun shape correctly. He aimed at the creature, before building up and releasing a ball of green energy. It pierced right through the exposed flesh, as the creature let out one last whine.

It poofed into smoke, launching its spines all around it. Steven ducked under one, before being dragged by a water bubble over to Lapis, who shielded them both. Jasper, however, stood still, only moving to smack away a spine going for her nose. "Wimps." she said nonchalantly, before heading back into the house.

Lapis sighed, putting it down. "Quartzes..." she muttered to herself, before following her in. Steven looked confused, watching her go. He suddenly felt something tug him towards the house gently. "...Uhhh...guys!?" he said, running up into it.

* * *

"-o you think is gonna happen?" Steven heard Lapis say, as he approached the house. He heard a shuffling of hair that he'd come to recognize by now as Jasper shrugging. "Not sure. Probably not much pleasant."

"G-guys?" Steven said, walking inside. Jasper and Lapis turned back, looking at him, a brightly glowing ball of light floating above where Peridot's gem was. Steven blinked, walking forward, but slipping as his right leg flung out from behind him. "STEVEN!" Lapis yelled, running over.

She grabbed onto his arm, as he found himself floating up into the ball of light. He stopped for a second, before the extender arm just slipped off, the fingers falling to the ground. They shook, before whizzing right past Steven's head, causing him to dodge. "G-guys? What's going on!?" he said, his eyes darting around worriedly.

Jasper hopped up, grunting and grabbing onto his leg, slipping the extender off. Jasper let it go, as it whizzed past Steven, who had to spread his legs to keep it from hitting him. "Jasper, careful!" Lapis hissed, trying to leap up to grab another arm. She fell just short, but managed to drag off another foot.

Steven whined, kicking his feet out as he got dragged toward the light by his remaining arm. He looked over at it, seeing that he was...

Right in front of it. Right, that explained why it suddenly felt so hot.

He whimpered, tugging at the last arm, trying to pry it off. He closed his eyes and grit his teeth, as the arm seemed to refuse to budge.

Suddenly, there was a glitchy noise, and Steven found himself falling down to the floor. His head hit the wood underneath him sharply, and the last thing he saw was a limbless torso of a form, making another glitchy noise as it fragmented slightly. Then, things started to go black. Again. He was getting kind of sick of th-

* * *

Steven woke up suddenly, on his bed, with Peridot watching over the railing. "...Hi." she said, waving. Steven blinked, holding his head. "Ugh...hi." he said, sitting up. "...Are you alright?" Peridot nodded, walking up.

"Uh...are you?" she asked, interlocking her fingers worriedly. "Lapis says you took a pretty good fall." Steven rubbed the back of his head, before nodding reluctantly. "I...think so." "Good, good." Peridot sat next to him, laying down.

"...So...uh...what was with that thing when you were regenerating?" Steven asked, looking over at her. Peridot bit her lip. "Uhm...long story. But I don't actually...HAVE limbs past where they enter here." she waved an arm. Steven opened his mouth to argue about the 'long story' dodge, but...no. No, not right now.

Steven looked over at the stairs, hearing soft footsteps. "Oh, good, you're awake!" Lapis said, smiling as she held a tray. Steven nodded, smiling. Peridot glanced between them, before standing up. "I'll...be downstairs." she said, walking backwards, keeping an eye on Steven. Lapis nodded at her, before walking over. "Here, have some food, O child of meat." she said, placing it on Steven's lap. French toast, eggs, and orange juice. It wasn't novel, but it was good. He nodded up at Lapis again. "Thanks." He paused. "I need to stop getting knocked out. What is this, the fifth time lately?" Lapis chuckled to herself, shaking her head.

"Don't worry, Steven. Just means you're getting tougher." she said, giving him a gentle pap on the shoulder. "Soon enough, you'll forget what being passed out feels like." Steven laughed. It hurt a bit, but at least he was feeling mentally alright. "Sure." He took a bite of the toast. "...Hey, Lapis?"

"Yes, Steven?"

"Do you ever feel like...like things are just about to change? Not even that they have yet, but just that sooner, they will?"

Lapis frowned. "...I guess so? Why?"

He shrugs. "I don't know. Just...suddenly it feels like maybe things are going to be different soon. Or maybe that they already are."

Lapis shrugged, standing up. "...I'm not sure what you mean, Steven. It's probably nothing." He looks up at her, shrugging. "Probably. Maybe it's just...some weird feelings from after I hit my head. I don't know."

Lapis nodded. "I'll leave you to eat." she said, walking back down. Steven nodded, and got to it.


End file.
